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Writing Samples
Band 3

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010 and 2015. (the piano was over 10% in 2005, over 20% in 2010, about 35% in 2015; the guitar was over 10% in 2005, about 18% in 2010, 40% in 2015; the drums was about 5% in 1005, about 4% in 2010, about 10% in 2015; the violin was 10% in 2005, 9% in 2010, 5% in 2015)

The data presents
thr
Correct your spelling
the
 key information about the proportion of playing musical materials that the learners are used
in
Change preposition
to in
show examples
 school in three
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
. The units are measured in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the
gragh
Correct your spelling
graph
 that
piano
Use synonyms
 and
guitar
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 reached the highest numbers in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 three years.
While
Linking Words
 drums
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
and
Correct word choice
piano
show examples
Piano
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
guitar
Use synonyms
 represented the lowest percentage.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown,in 2005,the three materials except drums are
ased
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
approximaty
Correct your spelling
approximately
 10%.
However
Linking Words
,
drms
Use the right word
DRMs
show examples
 are played around 5%.
In addition
Linking Words
,
piano
Use synonyms
 and
guitar
Use synonyms
 increased to
douple
Correct your spelling
double
 in 2018.
While
Linking Words
 other material remained Steady. In 2015,
piano
Use synonyms
 and
guitar
Use synonyms
are rised
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 sharply to around
about
Rephrase
apply
show examples
40%.In terms of,Violin and drums were
rarly
Correct your spelling
rarely
 used in that period.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words piano, guitar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Instrument proficiency
  • Year-over-year comparison
  • Percentage increase
  • Cultural impact
  • Technological advancements
  • Popularity surge
  • Music education trends
  • Instrument learning preferences
  • Gradual decline
  • Future projections
  • Statistical significance
  • Cultural preferences
  • Educational implications
  • Accessibility of instruments
  • Shifts in popular music genres
  • Adoption rates
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