IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You want to arrange a conference for your company, and you need to ask one of your colleagues to give a presentation in this conference. Write a letter to your colleague. In your letter include: Details about the conference Why you want your colleague to give presentation What arrangement will you do for this conference

Dear Tom, I am writing
this
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 letter to inform you about the
presentation
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 that our department is going to organise for the onboarding training purpose for new hires
on
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apply
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next week. The conference room will be
at
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on
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second
Correct article usage
the second
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 floor of the main hall, and it is booked from
morning
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apply
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8
.
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a.m
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a.m.
 to 12
.
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apply
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p.m. As
,
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apply
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 we are from
health
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the health
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 and safety department,
so
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we will be at the priority list to present the topics about the
whims
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hazards
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 and health
hazard
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hazards
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 in work
place
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workplace
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. Unfortunately, I will be attending a meeting with my manager for
health
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a health
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 inspection in our department. So, I will not be able to demonstrate the
presentation
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.
However
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, you have expertise in
this
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 field, and I know you have better communication skills
which
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, which
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 can engage the audience in a better way. I would like to share the
presentation
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 slide that I have already prepared
,
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apply
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 with you, so that you do not need to prepare the slide from
the
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apply
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scratch.
Moreover
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, I already informed
to
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apply
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the event organiser about the setups that will
need
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be needed
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 during an audio-visual demonstration in order to give a better understanding of the topics. I am looking forward to
hear
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hearing
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 the feedback from you about the
presentation
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, and I wish you all the best. Yours faithfully, Jack.

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content
The letter is clear on what you want, but it could say more about what you want Tom to do. Add a direct request for him to present and a date for when you need the go ahead.
grammar
Fix small grammar and word use. Change 'on next week' to 'next week', 'from scratch', and 'the whims' to 'health hazards' or 'safety topics'.
structure
Break long ideas into shorter lines. A new idea should start in a new paragraph.
tone
Keep a formal but plain tone. Use normal words and a clear ask.
content
Give clear facts about time, room, and setup so Tom knows what to plan for.
tone
The letter uses a formal tone and good closing.
content
It gives the time and place of the meeting well.
content
It shows why the colleague is a good fit to speak.
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