IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You are part of a group of musicians who meet on Tuesday and Friday evenings to practise in the community hall. You have been told, however, that it is no longer possible for the group to use the hall. Write a letter to the manager. In the letter: describe what the group does explain why the group is good for the community suggest alternative days and times for practice

Dear Sir or Madam, As a member of the Living Soul Musicals group, I write
this
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 letter with some concerns. We recently received a circular note stating that we are no longer permitted to use the community hall on Tuesday and Friday.
First,
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our
practise
Use the right word
practice
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 is done during the day. We believe that the traditional songs and
dance
Fix the agreement mistake
dances
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 we
do
Remove the redundancy
apply
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do not disturb the order of the community. In fact,
this
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 keeps young people away from the streets.
Also
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, most members of the group are unemployed
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they depend on the money made after doing some performances.
Therefore
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, not using the hall for rehearsals would affect our performance and might result in a few individuals attending our concerts. On behalf of the group, I am requesting that you permit us to use the hall on Sunday and Monday for 2 hours, between 4pm and 6pm. I would be happy if our request is taken into great consideration. In case you need
further
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 information, you can email me at
,
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apply
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 [email protected]. Yours faithfully, Musawenkosi Thebe

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task response
Describe the group in one clear line at the start and keep to what the task asks.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Use simple links to move from one idea to the next.
tone
Polite tone and clear request for new days and times.
content
Reason is given for why the hall ban hurts the group.
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