The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart provides key
informantion
Correct your spelling
information
about the percentage of men
smokers
Use synonyms
in 7 countries
along with
Linking Words
the world average in 2000 and 2015.The units are measured in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that Armenia
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
smokers
Use synonyms
in 2000 .
In addition
Linking Words
, Australia
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
smokers
Use synonyms
in 2000 and 2015,
whereas
Linking Words
Armenia
lose
Wrong verb form
lost
show examples
a little of
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
its smokers
show examples
smokers male
Correct word order
male smokers
show examples
in 2015, 50% .
Also
Linking Words
in Lebanon
similar
Punctuation problem
, similar
show examples
Change preposition
to Egypt
show examples
Egypt
Add a comma
Egypt,
show examples
the somkers became more than before .
Linking Words
according
Fix capitalization
According
show examples
to what is shown,
cuba
Fix capitalization
Cuba
show examples
in 2000
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
52%
somkers
Correct your spelling
smokers
male but in
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
show examples
they lost just 1%
became
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
51% .In Mexico in 2000 they had 35% but in 2015 they
lose
Wrong verb form
lost
show examples
half
became
Correct word choice
and became
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20% .
Also
Linking Words
in
Egupt
Correct your spelling
Egypt
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
in 2000 but in 2015 more than before.In terms of the highest
somkers
Correct your spelling
smokers
Punctuation problem
, male
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
Armenis 65% ,and
the world
Check wording
globally
show examples
in
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
42% of
smokers
Use synonyms
male but in
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
show examples
became less
Verb problem
this number decreased
show examples
from before.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words smokers with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart, percentage, adult male smokers
  • world average, increased, decreased
  • tobacco consumption, lung cancer
  • public health, awareness campaigns
  • government policy, smoking bans
  • health risks, nicotine, tobacco industry
  • chart analysis, data comparison
  • statistical trend, significant fluctuation
  • stagnation, steady rise, moderate fall
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