IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
 and playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are positive for kids .
While
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 a commonly held belief that
beer
Check wording
apply
show examples
the
children’s
Change preposition
children in
show examples
infront
Correct your spelling
front
 of the screens for a long period constantly
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
negatively
Replace the word
negative
show examples
affects
Use the right word
effects
show examples
 for them , there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that it has no benefits and leads to unhealthy impacts.
To begin
Linking Words
 with ,
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
 and
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 affect
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
kids
Punctuation problem
kids,
show examples
where
Correct word choice
as
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 it is
reflect
Wrong verb form
reflected
show examples
 directly in their lives.
In other
Linking Words
words
Add a comma
words,
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 it
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 the concentration
Punctuation problem
. In
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in
Linking Words
addition
Punctuation problem
addition,
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 it can
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 them neglect
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 studies
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to academic performance
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
Punctuation problem
. .for
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
For
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 many teachers notice
the
Correct article usage
that
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 students who watch and play
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 for a long time daily
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cannot concentrate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
classes
Fix the agreement mistake
class
show examples
 Another point to consider ,
Correct article usage
a
show examples
large number of kids
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 anxiety
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
it
Punctuation problem
. It
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 is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that most of them
staying
Wrong verb form
stay for
show examples
 too
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
hours using technology
Linking Words
moreover
Punctuation problem
; moreover
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, the effects can be clearly seen on them .
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
psychologist
Replace the word
psychological
show examples
 research the
children’s
Punctuation problem
, children
show examples
 who
is getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 angry easily and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 behaviour
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 they are spending most of their time on
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
video
Verb problem
playing video
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 In conclusion, despite people having different views,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
this
Linking Words
 type of
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
 is harmful for them and for their
mentalhealth
Correct your spelling
mental health
.

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task response
Task response: The essay says the view, but it does not fully show why. Add a clear main idea in the intro and a brief note of why you care about this issue. Include at least one opposing view and say if you agree more or less.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use clear links to move ideas. Start each paragraph with a main idea, then add a sentence to explain it. Use simple transitions like 'also', 'however', 'for example'.
task response
You show a clear position against TV and games.
coherence cohesion
There is a basic structure of intro, body, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • exposure to violence
  • addiction
  • reduced physical activity
  • hand-eye coordination
  • strategic thinking
  • multitasking skills
  • moderation
  • parental guidance
  • balanced approach
  • screen time
  • social interaction
  • sense of community
  • social skills
  • social isolation
  • alternative activities
  • outdoor activities
  • family interaction
  • mental health issues
  • educational programs
  • problem-solving games
What to do next:
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