IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some university students aim to study extra courses
in addition
Linking Words
 to their main subjects
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
meanwhile, others hardly believe that it is vital to focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 core courses. On the one hand, studying additional materials
besides
Linking Words
 the curriculum provides opportunities to be versatile in many fields in the future, which might affect
individuals
Check wording
individuals'
show examples
 interests and
further
Linking Words
 studies.
For example
Linking Words
, someone from
math
Correct article usage
a math
show examples
 major might get interested in data science and change
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 path directly.
Moreover
Linking Words
, learning formative subjects is
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 opportunity to meet people from different majors and schools, which is great to boost social skills
as well as
Linking Words
 networking. Networking is one of the most important
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
a students
show examples
students
Check wording
student's
show examples
 life, and it is good to meet ambitious people with different life perspectives, because sometimes
experty
Correct your spelling
expertise
 of people in certain fields might be necessary.
For example
Linking Words
, a lot of
businessmans
Correct your spelling
businessmen
 reach the top because of their social skills, ability to choose or have proper investors. So, they could assist
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to build
Change preposition
in building
show examples
 and
manage
Wrong verb form
managing
show examples
business
Correct article usage
a business
show examples
 to achieve success.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, to become good professionals, it is essential to give all the time to core courses if individuals are confident
what
Change preposition
about what
show examples
are they
Correct word order
they are
show examples
 going to do in the future.
Also
Linking Words
, mastering the main subjects
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
directly
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
 GPA
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 leads to higher chances
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 hired after graduation.
In addition
Linking Words
, in Kazakhstan, HR values graduates' GPAs the most if their studies
where
Use the right word
were
show examples
 connected with medicine, economics, and engineering. In conclusion, in my opinion, developing yourself in different perspectives is more crucial in the future because of the opportunity to be versatile in many fields.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
The essay tries to discuss both views and gives an own view. Make one big point in each part and link the parts with a clear flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make the text easy to read by using small linking words. Use first, next, also, but, however to join ideas.
Grammar/Accuracy
Check spell and form. Fix words like 'major', 'businessman', 'investors' and verbs to fit number and tense.
Content
The main idea of extra courses is shown.
Examples
Some examples are used to show points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays: