IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Technology has enabled the mass production of goods with the use of machines. Discuss the merits and demerits of mechanized production.

Machinery
Use synonyms
 manufacturing improves
an
Correct article usage
the
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 automated
production
Use synonyms
 of commodities
due to
Linking Words
 the fast pace of technology advancement, enabling growth in
quantity
Correct article usage
the quantity
show examples
 of products. I think that robotic
production
Use synonyms
 grants access to social flourishing.
Conversely
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 gives job losses
due to
Linking Words
 human labour replacement by
machinery
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in spite of the perks technology can give to its users, it brings a dissimition of jobs as well, when people are slowly being replaced with
machinery
Use synonyms
 and robots, especially
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when it comes to factories. It is the hardware manufacturing of cars that mostly requires robotic facilitation
due to
Linking Words
 the risky work that needs to be done, which can be lethal for human beings.
This
Linking Words
 is widely spread in the US power and manufacturing plants.
This
Linking Words
 is why people lose their salaries, and are not capable of coping with provision and accommodation bills, as they are not fit in today's reality of job industry. Another shortcoming can be found in carbon
dioxide
Punctuation problem
dioxide,
show examples
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is vastly released into the atmosphere as more
machinery
Use synonyms
 works . All the air and soil surroundings around factories will be contaminated through years of exploitation of increased robotic
production
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, people may orchestrate environmental riots, which even touch the social and political climate, but not only the environmental
.
Correct pronoun usage
one.
show examples
On the other hand
Linking Words
, companies find mechanised
production
Use synonyms
 very beneficial for their growth. As machines do not require safe conditions, salary, and holidays, only maintenance
, which
Verb problem
is required, which
show examples
 is not that high compared to
revenues
Correct article usage
the revenues
show examples
 for workers.
Thus
Linking Words
, the option of replacement is seen as excellent for operational efficiencies.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government is
also
Linking Words
 delighted with
such
Linking Words
 innovation
due to
Linking Words
 more taxes organisations should pay for broader gas emissions coming from
machinery
Use synonyms
 work. It is
also
Linking Words
 seen as a problem, but gathered money can be allocated to
renovation
Correct article usage
the renovation
show examples
 of obsolete buildings, urbanisation, and public system improvement. To nutshell the aforementioned,
while
Linking Words
 there are tremendous disadvantages of changing humans into robots and automated machines, for
many
Punctuation problem
many,
show examples
 it is seen as a good opportunity for growth and income.

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structure
Plan your essay with four clear parts: intro, 2 body paragraphs, and a short conclusion.
coherence
In every body paragraph, start with a clear idea and stay on it.
coherence
Use linking words carefully to show how ideas connect.
content
Give real examples or facts to back your points and keep them simple.
grammar
Check language for wrong words and keep grammar clear.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides of the issue.
structure
There is a clear sense of the topic and some good ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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