IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the percentage of unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant.

The given bar graph represents the
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of graduate
unemployment
Use synonyms
 by gender in a European country in 2008 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 male
unemployment
Use synonyms
 outnumbered female
umemployment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 throughout the period. Turning to the
unemplyment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
rate
Use synonyms
 of men,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 the
rate
Use synonyms
 fluctuates throughout the
period
Punctuation problem
period,
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 it rocketed to 22% in
Use synonyms
october
Fix capitalization
October
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 2009 from 10% in
January
Use synonyms
 2008. Which is double
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that in the beginning. From
January
Use synonyms
 2008 to
july
Fix capitalization
July
show examples
 2008,
Correct article usage
the umemployment
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umemployment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
rate
Use synonyms
 of young men was below 10%, from there it reached a value of 16% in
Use synonyms
october
Fix capitalization
October
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 2008. In
Use synonyms
Fix capitalization
January
show examples
january
Add a comma
january,
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 the employment
rate
Use synonyms
 increased
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 caused a decline in the
unemployment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
, and both in
Use synonyms
january
Fix capitalization
January
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 2009 and
april
Fix capitalization
April
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2009
Punctuation problem
2009,
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 the
rate
Use synonyms
 remained
constantly
Replace the word
constant
show examples
 at 12. In
Use synonyms
october
Fix capitalization
October
show examples
2009
Punctuation problem
2009,
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 it showed a sharp increase to 22. With regard to
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
women
Check wording
women's
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unemployment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
, it is remarkable that the percentage was below 15%
throught out
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the period and the highest
rate
Use synonyms
 was marked in
Use synonyms
october
Fix capitalization
October
show examples
 2009 at 14%, which was much less than that of
men
Check wording
men's
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unemployment
Use synonyms
. In
January
Use synonyms
 2008,
april
Fix capitalization
April
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 2008,
july
Fix capitalization
July
show examples
 2008,
Use synonyms
january
Fix capitalization
January
show examples
 2009,
april
Fix capitalization
April
show examples
 2009 and
july
Fix capitalization
July
show examples
2009
Punctuation problem
2009,
show examples
 the
umemplyment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
rate
Use synonyms
 of young women aged 24-26 was below 10%.

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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words unemployment, rate, october, january with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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