IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below shows the percentage of part _time workers in each country of the United Kingdom in 1980 and 2010.

The data illustrates the
amount
Check wording
number
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 of
part time
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
 workers in different
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 of the United Kingdom, i.e.,England, Northern
Ireland
Use synonyms
,
Scotland
Use synonyms
 and
wales
Fix capitalization
Wales
show examples
 between 1980 and 2010. The green bar graph represents the
dat
Correct your spelling
data
 in 1980, meanwhile the blue bar presents the record in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 1980,
Scotland
Use synonyms
was seen
Verb problem
saw
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 less
part time
Use the right word
part-time
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 work
as
Change preposition
apply
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compared with other nations.
Whereas
Linking Words
, in 2010,
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 work
seen
Verb problem
was seen
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 in Northern
Ireland
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 employer rate was seen in
wales
Fix capitalization
Wales
show examples
 in both years, respectively. After analysing the bar graph, it can be abundantly clear that ,in 1980,
wales
Fix capitalization
Wales
show examples
 shares the highest percentage and
hold
Correct subject-verb agreement
holds
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 first position with approximately 32% area
Punctuation problem
, lead
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lead
Replace the word
led
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 by
second
Correct article usage
the second
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 highest in England, with 25%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
norther
Use the right word
Northern
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Ireland
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 shares 15% proportion
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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us
Use the right word
is
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 greater than
Scotland
Use synonyms
, and the least was seen in
Scotland
Use synonyms
 with 11% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 40%.
In addition
Linking Words
, in 2010,
walves
Fix the agreement mistake
walvess
show examples
 slightly increased over the past period up to 5%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, England
also
Linking Words
surge
Wrong verb form
surged
show examples
 from 255 to 30%. Meanwhile, Northern
Ireland
Use synonyms
 shows minimal decline
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Scotland
Use synonyms
 was seen with
Correct article usage
a moderately
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moderately
Replace the word
moderate
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 climb from 11% to 19%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ireland, scotland with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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