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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

In most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries around the globe
Use synonyms
summer
Punctuation problem
, summer
show examples
 break is essential. For
years
Punctuation problem
years,
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 pupils and students had 2-3
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
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 off
school
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 it may seem like a lot, kids are having the
time
Use synonyms
 of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
this
Linking Words
 period is extremely valuable.
Although
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 it is, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that shortening
summer
Use synonyms
holidays
Use synonyms
 is beneficial for grades. But I personally think that those days are the most important in
children
Check wording
children's
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 or
teenager's
Check wording
teenagers'
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
To begin
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 with,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 would like to mention the key things that make
this
Linking Words
 period of
time
Use synonyms
 so special.
First
Correct article usage
The first
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 of them is the amount of free
time
Use synonyms
 gifted to a kid. Being in your early years feels like an eternity, compared to
adult's
Check wording
adults'
show examples
 perception of
Use synonyms
time
Punctuation problem
time,
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 it's 8 times slower. Simply because you are new to everything. But
time
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 itself is not the reason
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 most importantly is how things that you discover and experience
print
Wrong verb form
are printed
show examples
 out in
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
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. A kid with zero responsibilities and no routine tasks is very flexible to develop new
skills
Use synonyms
, since most of it is new
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 curiosity kicks in.
For example
Linking Words
 average
time
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 of learning something new is 4-5 times faster for a kid than
grown-ups
Change preposition
for grown-ups
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.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 most of the vital
skills
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as swimming or riding a
bicycle
Punctuation problem
bicycle,
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 are being taught
in
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at
show examples
this
Linking Words
 age. I remember
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and my friends
Correct word order
my friends and
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 were used to do a lot of creative stuff, trying ourselves in arts and even surfing. It helped me with future jobs when
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 did photography and filmmaking
Second
Replace the word
Secondly
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
, it is a very vital age for
socializing
Change the spelling
socialising
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 and training social
skills
Use synonyms
. And
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 plays
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big role in it. Because attending
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 and doing your homework afterwards is taking a big piece of cake in your daily schedule.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
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 there is not much
time
Use synonyms
 to
hand
Use the right word
hang
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with
Change preposition
out with
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 your friends or find a girlfriend. But
summer
Use synonyms
holidays
Use synonyms
 are not playing these games
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they give an opportunity to observe how human relations are working. By giving them endless sunny days, leaving boys and girls
wander
Verb problem
to wander
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 for adventures.
For
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this
Linking Words
reason
Punctuation problem
reason,
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 in many social
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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being
Wrong verb form
studies it is
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 said that for most
people
Use synonyms
long
Punctuation problem
, long
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holidays
Use synonyms
 between academic years
was
Wrong verb form
are
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 one of the
most
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
happiest days in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Despite
described
Correct article usage
the described
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 reasons for extending
holidays
Use synonyms
, a group of
people
Use synonyms
 have their point on shortening them. Most of
them
Use the right word
the
show examples
 common arguments from these
people
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 that more academic achievements could be
succeeded
Verb problem
achieved
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. To be
honest
Add a comma
honest,
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 all of the kids from scientific tests,
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 were punished to attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
summer
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
school
Punctuation problem
school,
show examples
 exceeded their classmates in academic tests. But at what cost? Psychological part of the same research says that they were less confident in social interactions and had worse emotional
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
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.
Also
Linking Words
, in countries where
summer
Use synonyms
 breaks are short or absent, children usually perform better at
Correct article usage
the world
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world math championship
Fix capitalization
World Math Championship
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. At the same
time
Use synonyms
, despite having higher
results
Punctuation problem
results,
show examples
 they were complaining about stress and feeling gloomy.
Overall
Linking Words
, long breaks are extremely important
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 absence of them
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 own benefits. Shortening or extending them is a choice with certain consequences, and
while
Linking Words
 shorter
holidays
Use synonyms
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
show examples
 academic
performance
Punctuation problem
performance,
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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also
Linking Words
 have
it's
Check wording
their
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downgrades
Use the right word
downsides
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 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 form of less developed social
skills
Use synonyms
 and shortened childhood. I assume that longer
holidays
Use synonyms
 are far more beneficial than shorter
Linking Words
due
Correct pronoun usage
ones due
show examples
 to the listed advantages. It is obviously
outweights
Correct your spelling
outweighs
 the opposite side by giving a child more memories and diverse, non-academic
skills
Use synonyms
 that cannot be taught
Use synonyms
school
Change preposition
in school
show examples
, which in my opinion is more important
that
Correct word choice
than
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 grades.

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content
The topic is clear and you give your view.
content
You use many real life ideas like time, learning, and social life.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
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