IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below give information about the number of train passengers and the percentage of trains running on time from 2000 to 2009 in Japan.

The
line
Use synonyms
 graph demonstrates data about how many train
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 and the proportion of
table
Use the right word
travel
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 on trains over the 9-year period
sappnning
Correct your spelling
spanning
 from 2000 in Japan.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in the first chart, the number of
passegenrs
Correct your spelling
passengers
 showed many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
changes over the period but
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 trend.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, at the rates of train running on
time
Use synonyms
 didn't meet
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the target
line
Use synonyms
, it had some fluctuations, but it
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 eventually
overcome
Verb problem
exceeded
show examples
 the standard
line
Use synonyms
. Looking at the details, the figure rose steadily with some
voliality
Correct your spelling
volatility
 changes over the next years from 2000 to 2009 and reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost 42
milion
Correct your spelling
million
 riders.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the target
line
Use synonyms
 at 95%,
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the percentage of trains on
time
Use synonyms
 started at 92% in 2000,
then
Linking Words
 it climbed sharply
until at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 95% in 2002. After that, despite overtaking the target
line
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it continued to
went
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 up at nearly 96% in 2004.
Then
Linking Words
 the trend saw a considerable fall
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in the next two years.
at
Fix capitalization
At
show examples
 which point it
recoverd
Correct your spelling
recovered
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 93 % in 2007. The ratio of
trains
Fix the agreement mistake
train
show examples
time
Use synonyms
rockted
Correct your spelling
rocketed
 to a peak at 98% and it levelled off until 2009.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words line, time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: