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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that women should play an equal role to men in a country's police force or military force such as the army while others think women are not suitable for this kind of job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The question
on
Change preposition
of
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 whether
women
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 ought to have
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
 role to men in
police
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 enforcement or military force is still open for debate.
While
Linking Words
 some are assured that
women
Use synonyms
's equal contribution ensures gender equality. I side with those who believe that
women
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 should steer clear of these
jobs
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due to
Linking Words
 the absence of a natural inclination towards
these
Check wording
them
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jobs
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. There are some who are sure that
women
Use synonyms
's share of work in the
police
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 department and army should be sizeable to that of men's as it will
strenghten
Correct your spelling
strengthen
 the notion of gender equality. It is a well-known fact that most
Use synonyms
women
Check wording
women's
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 rights activists demand equal participation for
women
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 in
above-mentioned
Correct article usage
the above-mentioned
show examples
jobs
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,linking it to the idea of wider choices and
posibilities
Correct your spelling
possibilities
 for females.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 might not directly entail higher employment rates for
women
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 in
police
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 and military services directly, the mere acknowledgement of equal rights may turn out to be highly advantageous for the general perception of
women
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 in traditionally male-oriented professions.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that
women
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 should not be partaking in either the
police
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 force or the army since
women
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 do not possess a natural inclination, both psychological and physical, to these
jobs
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, and I stand by
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint. It is conventional wisdom that males and females considerably differ, with the former being biologically hard-wired for high-demanding physical labour, dangerous feats and strategic thinking,
while
Linking Words
 the latter are much better at communication and creativity.
Although
Linking Words
 accepting
this
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 difference might be
percieved
Correct your spelling
perceived
 by many as discrimination towards both genders, I believe acknowledging
this
Linking Words
 gap should not be seen as
limitation
Correct article usage
a limitation
show examples
, but as a naturally more reliable way for job seeking. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some agree that
women
Use synonyms
 should play an equal role in the military and the
police
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 since it contributes to genders being equal, I take the stance of those who believe
otherwise
Linking Words
, as
women
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 might not be by nature inclined to do these
jobs
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.

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planning
Plan your answer first. State your view and two reasons, with a short example for each.
grammar
Check grammar and use simple, clear sentences. Break long lines into two parts.
content
Add more specific examples to back up your points.
coherence
Use clear linking words to show contrast and reason.
structure
The writer states a view and gives a conclusion.
content
Both sides are shown, not just one.
vocabulary
Some link words and good flow in places.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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