The bar chart below shows the percentage of men and women working in five different sectors in 2015. Sectors: Education Healthcare Manufacturing Finance Construction Data: Education: Men 30% Women 70% Healthcare: Men 25% Women 75% Manufacturing: Men 80% Women 20% Finance: Men 55% Women 45% Construction: Men 90% Women 10%

The bar chart compares the proportions of
men
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and
women
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in terms of working industries in 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
women
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dominated
Wrong verb form
dominate
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education
Correct article usage
the education
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and healthcare sectors,
while
Linking Words
men
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mostly
filled
Wrong verb form
fill
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
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in
Correct article usage
the manufacture
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manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturing
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and construction
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field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
.
Additionally
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,
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
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sector
was
Verb problem
apply
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remained relatively
balance
Replace the word
balanced
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at gender
ratio
Fix the agreement mistake
ratios
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.
To begin
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with,
women
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workers in the education
field
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stood at approximately 70%,
while
Linking Words
in the healthcare sector, slightly higher at 75%.
Men
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also
Linking Words
joined these professional
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field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
, which recorded at 30% and 25% respectively.
In contrast
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,
men
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commonly
Verb problem
are commonly
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found in the automation industry and construction
field
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, which
presents
Correct subject-verb agreement
present
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at 80% and 90%
Linking Words
accordingly
Rephrase
respectively
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,
while
Linking Words
the remaining proportion
was
Wrong verb form
is
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women
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, in the finance sector,
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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employees gender ratio held
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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ratio in terms of gender.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, field with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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