IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT PARENTS SHOULD ENCOURAGE THEIR CHILDREN TO TAKE PART IN ORANIZED GROUP ACTIVITIES IN THEIR FREE TIME. OTHER SAY IT IS IMPORTANT FOR CHILDREN RO LEARN HOW TO OCCUPY THEMSELVES ON THEIR OWN. DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEW AND GIVE YOUR OPINION

Ways to spend the free
time
Use synonyms
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
children's
Check wording
children
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 becoming a reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 generating different ideas among the parents.
while
Linking Words
 some
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
children's
Check wording
children
show examples
 should
signed
Wrong verb form
sign
show examples
 up for the
group
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
. On
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
contrary
Punctuation problem
contrary,
show examples
 other believes that we should educate pupils how to engage themselves
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 both
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 will be discussed
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I will illustrate my opinion.
Activities
Use synonyms
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a vital role in upbringing and
prepares
Correct subject-verb agreement
prepare
show examples
 for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
. It enables the understanding of social skills
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 younger age.
Use synonyms
Children's
Check wording
Children
show examples
 who are involved in
activities
Use synonyms
 from
younger
Correct article usage
a younger
show examples
 age
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 friends very easily, they
considered
Verb problem
are considered
show examples
 to be more
out going
Use the right word
outgoing
show examples
 and expressive, which
helped
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
 them in their career.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's will not feel hesitation
while
Linking Words
 asking
the doubts in
Correct word order
doubts in the
show examples
class
Use the right word
classroom
show examples
 room or they will ask their
interest
Check wording
questions
show examples
 confidently. So these
group
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life long
Use the right word
lifelong
show examples
 learning.
Use synonyms
Children's
Check wording
Children
show examples
 should learn
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 by their own, it considered to be a natural learning. It activates the survival instincts
underneath
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
children's
Check wording
children
show examples
 because
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will encounter
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real situations. Initial hiccups
teaches
Correct subject-verb agreement
teach
show examples
 them
life long
Use the right word
lifelong
show examples
 lessons.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 individual who knows how to stay lonely will not shatter in challenging problems like heartbreaks
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
. Spending
time
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own helps them to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new instincts. In my view, we should balance the scenarios. We should evaluate every
individually
Replace the word
individual
show examples
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 if any
children
Use synonyms
found
Verb problem
are found
show examples
 to be
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
, we may need
put
Verb problem
to put
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
group
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Linking Words
While
Change preposition
On
show examples
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 we should
also
Linking Words
 evaluate those individuals who are
witnessing
Verb problem
having
show examples
hard
Correct article usage
a hard
show examples
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
staying alone
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
then
Linking Words
 we may need to stop the
group
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 gradually, to educate them to enjoy their own company.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan your essay before you write. Use a clear start with the topic and your view, two body parts with one idea and a simple example, and a short end.
language
Use good grammar and simple, exact words. Watch for errors like 'children' and 'childrens' and agreement between subject and verb.
development
Add more clear examples that fit each point. Explain how each example shows your idea.
cohesion
Use words to connect ideas, like first, also, then, but, so, because.
content
The writer tries to show both sides of the issue.
content
An opinion is given at the end.
structure
There is a plan to talk about the subject in three parts.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: