IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The table below shows employment patterns for males and females in New Zealand in 1993 and 2003

The table gives information on the number of employment patterns for both women and men in New Zealand in 1993 and 2003. In 1993, the employment patterns of manufacturing for
males
Use synonyms
 were 55 %, but it was followed by a slight decrease to 52 % in 2003. The building just started at 68 %, but it was fallen down to 60 % in 2003.
Males
Use synonyms
' employment in commerce for
males
Use synonyms
 was about 45 % in 1993, and it increased to 50 % in 2003. The services were about 14 % , and despite
this
Linking Words
 decrease,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
increased notably to 40 % in 2003. The IT just started at 80 %, but it was followed by a considerable drop to 70% in 2003. When it comes to farming for
males
Use synonyms
, it was 75 % in 1993 , and dropped to 65 % in 2003. In 1993, manufacturing patterns for females just started at 45 %, and it increased
48
Change preposition
to 48
show examples
 % in 2003. The building commerce grew over the years,
while
Linking Words
 the commerce decreased. The farming was 25 % and it was followed by a slight rise to 35 % in 2003

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words males with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: