IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below shows the population figures for different types of turtles in India from 1980 to 2012.

The line graph highlights the number of various kinds of
turtles
Use synonyms
 in India over 32 32-year period between 1980 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, starting with a 100 proportion at the beginning of a given period, all
turtle
Use synonyms
 populations fluctuated over time.
While
Linking Words
 Olive Ridley
turtles
Use synonyms
 experienced a gradual increase,
Use synonyms
species
Correct article usage
the species
show examples
 of Leatherback and Green
Turtles
Use synonyms
 have fallen significantly.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the proportion of all types of
turtle
Use synonyms
 population has risen gradually up to under 110 within the first six years.
Then
Linking Words
, until 1999, there were significant ups and downs , but ended up the same numbers in figures. After that, the graph dropped to 85 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of all
species
Use synonyms
 throughout the 2000s, followed by a slight increase to around 90 per
cent
Use synonyms
. In detail, figures for the Olive Ridley
turtle
Use synonyms
 population show positive numbers of
species
Use synonyms
, going up to 140 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 1997;
however
Linking Words
, it has experienced some fluctuations and ended with over 130 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 trends for the other two
turtle
Use synonyms
species
Use synonyms
 were still at 100 in 1999 . Having several swings throughout the decrease, Leatherback and Green
turtles
Use synonyms
 dropped to 60 and 90 proportions, respectively , in the year 2012.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words turtles, turtle, species, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: