IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart shows the percentage of their food budget the average family spent on restaurant meals in different years. The graph shows the number of meals eaten in fast food restaurants and sit-down restaurants

The pie charts provide data on the proportion of
food
Use synonyms
 budget by families in
restaurant
Use synonyms
meals
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 they compare and contrast the number of dishes eaten in fast
food
Use synonyms
 and sit-down
restaurants
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that eating at
restaurants
Use synonyms
 showed a significant growth,
whereas
Linking Words
 homemade
meals
Use synonyms
 witnessed a considerable decline. As for the amount of
food
Use synonyms
 consumption, fast
food
Use synonyms
meals
Use synonyms
 were the dominant
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 sit-down
restaurant
Use synonyms
meals
Use synonyms
 saw a steady rise. Home cooking began at 90% in 1970 , and
then
Linking Words
 it declined slightly to 85% in 1980. Meanwhile, the
food
Use synonyms
 budget for
restaurant
Use synonyms
meals
Use synonyms
 increased slowly from 10% to 15%. In the years 1990 and 2000, homemade
meals
Use synonyms
 stood at 65% and decreased to 50%
while
Linking Words
restaurant
Use synonyms
 dishes saw a growth from 35% to 50% throughout the period. Turning to
quantity
Correct article usage
the quantity
show examples
 of
meals
Use synonyms
 eaten in fast-
food
Use synonyms
 and sit-down
restaurants
Use synonyms
, fast-
food
Use synonyms
restaurants
Use synonyms
 stood at 20
people
Use synonyms
 in 1970, it
then
Linking Words
 peaked at just over 80
people
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
This
Linking Words
 is followed by sit-down
restaurants
Use synonyms
 increased as much as twice from 20
people
Use synonyms
 in 1970 to 40
people
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, restaurant, meals, restaurants, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: