IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills such as cooperative skills. What are the causes? Suggest possible solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

In recent years, the number of
employees
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have low basic internal
skills
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as cooperative
Use synonyms
skills
Punctuation problem
skills,
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been increasing.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon is caused by low
self esteem
Use the right word
self-esteem
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is
due to
Linking Words
 the growth of technology that allows people to have less human
interaction
Use synonyms
 on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
show examples
. The possible solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 matter is
by removing
Change preposition
to remove
show examples
 hybrid working programs. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will explore my statement about the cause and possible solution of
this
Linking Words
 event. In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, the growth of technology has enabled us to finish any daily task just from our
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
 without the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 any human
interaction
Use synonyms
. Even though
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon
actually could
Correct word order
could actually
show examples
 help us
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
complete our task in a shorter amount of time, it
eventually would
Correct word order
would eventually
show examples
 lead to another problem, one of them being the
lack
Use synonyms
 of cooperative
skills
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 problem arises from the feeling of “not needing anyone” and results in lower
self esteem
Use the right word
self-esteem
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the
lack
Use synonyms
 of human
interaction
Use synonyms
 in daily activities. So simple tasks like communicating with co-workers could be a challenge for people nowadays. Only allowing offline work and removing the hybrid program
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are one of the solutions that
cooperation
Use the right word
corporations
show examples
 could
do
Verb problem
implement
show examples
 to train their
employees
Use synonyms
 to have better social
skills
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 modern world. By implying
this
Linking Words
,
employees
Use synonyms
 are forced to have human
interaction
Use synonyms
 daily and will eventually become used to it.
This
Linking Words
 actually not only
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
improve the communication
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 of
employees
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 the performance of the entity itself. Because communication is the key to success, since everyone speaks their mind.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is true
technology
Correct word choice
that technology
show examples
 could ease our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it could cause people to have a
lack
Use synonyms
 of human
interaction
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 results in a
lack
Use synonyms
 of interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as communication. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, companies could just remove the hybrid program to force their
employees
Use synonyms
 to practice basic human
skills
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Add more clear facts and examples to show causes and effects.
coherence
Use linking words to join ideas; start each paragraph with a topic sentence.
content
Suggest balanced views and a more practical solution than removing hybrid work.
language
Check grammar, spelling, and word use; keep sentences simple and clear.
content
The writer gives a clear view about causes and a solution.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion, showing some structure.
reasoning
Some reasons are given for the effect of technology on skills.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interpersonal skills
  • cooperative skills
  • face-to-face interaction
  • digital communication
  • non-verbal cues
  • active listening
  • education system
  • technical knowledge
  • soft skills
  • remote work
  • work environment
  • comprehensive training programs
  • workshops
  • teamwork
  • role-playing scenarios
  • open communication
  • collaborative efforts
  • educational institutions
  • curriculums
  • hybrid work models
What to do next:
Look at other essays: