IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Over the past 50 years, the
postion
Correct your spelling
position
 of
women
Use synonyms
 has changed significantly in many societies. But
women
Use synonyms
 in these
puplic
Correct your spelling
public
 still suffer
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 gender
discriminations
Fix the agreement mistake
discrimination
show examples
 in a lot of sectors
such
Linking Words
 as career and education. I totally agree that in
mant
Correct your spelling
many
societies
Punctuation problem
societies,
show examples
 female
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to fight to achieve gender equality.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the primary justification for my
postion
Correct your spelling
position
 is that many countries show
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
 in
girls
Check wording
girls'
show examples
 education rate
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
boys
Check wording
boys'
show examples
 education rate
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 different
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many statistics represent the educational system in many countries
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 China there are many
department
Fix the agreement mistake
departments
show examples
 in the universities exclusive
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 men
instead
Linking Words
Use synonyms
women
Correct word choice
of women
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 leads to
fall
Verb problem
a decline
show examples
down
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
's job
opportinities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, without a
doubt
Punctuation problem
doubt,
show examples
 many
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
women
Check wording
women's
show examples
 rights
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
in contrast
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
show examples
there is a significant
proporation
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
violance aganist
Correct your spelling
violence against
women
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there are a lot of
women
Use synonyms
's rights
organistaions
Correct your spelling
organisations
, the crime against
women
Use synonyms
increased
Verb problem
has increased
show examples
 recently. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, in some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
states in the
US
Add a comma
US,
show examples
 the
violance
Correct your spelling
violence
 against
women
Use synonyms
rise
Wrong verb form
has risen
show examples
 35% in recent years,
while
Linking Words
 the
low
Use the right word
law
show examples
 doesn't stop
this
Linking Words
. In
conclustion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I
reafairm
Correct your spelling
reaffirm
 my
postion
Correct your spelling
position
 that I believe
women
Use synonyms
 still suffer from
genfer based violance
Correct your spelling
gender-based violence
 in many
figures
Check wording
areas
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
eductional opportinities
Correct your spelling
educational opportunities
, leadership roles, and
gender
Correct article usage
the gender
show examples
 pay gap.

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task response
Explain your view clearly and take a balanced look. The task asks if you agree or not and why; add a brief look at the other side, then state your own view.
coherence
Make each paragraph start with a clear main idea. Use linking words to show order and reason, so ideas fit well.
grammar
Use simple, correct sentences. Check spelling and grammar. Punctuation helps readers read.
examples
Give real facts or simple examples that you know. Explain why they matter to your view.
structure
End with a short line that restates your view and the key reason.
content
Clear view on the topic.
structure
Some clear ideas on education and work.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • historical context
  • gender pay gap
  • underrepresentation
  • leadership roles
  • gender-based violence
  • educational opportunities
  • workforce
  • legal reforms
  • statistics
  • case studies
  • global perspective
  • progressive changes
  • cultural differences
  • empowerment
  • patriarchy
  • systemic discrimination
What to do next:
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