Some people believe that a country would benefit a lot from a large proportion of young people entering into university; however, others think that sending young people to universities only leads to graduate unemployment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent years, the number of young
people
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who attend
university
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have
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has
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increased significantly. Some
people
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believe that
this
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trend is beneficial for the
country
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,
while
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others argue that it only results in more unemployed
graduates
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. In my opinion,
university
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education
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is generally a good thing, but some changes
is
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are
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needed to make it more effective. On the one hand, having more
university
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graduates
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can bring many advantages to a
country
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.
Firstly
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,
university
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education
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help
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helps
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to improve the
overall
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quality of the population.
People
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who have received higher
education
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are more likely to work in important fields
such
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as technology, medicine, and engineering, which can contribute to the
country
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's economic development.
Secondly
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,
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university
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universities
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teach students not only professional knowledge but
also
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critical thinking and problem-solving skills. These abilities make them better citizens who can think more independently and make more rational decisions.
In addition
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,
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university
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universities
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provide a platform for young
people
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from different backgrounds to meet and communicate with each
others
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other
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, which is good for social harmony.
On the other hand
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, there are some valid concerns about too many young
people
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going to
university
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. The most obvious problem is that the
job
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market cannot always absorb so
much
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many
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graduates
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. Many students finish their degree but cannot find a
job
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that
match
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matches
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their qualification, so they end up doing
works
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work
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that
do
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does
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not require a
university
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degree at all.
This
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situation is sometimes called "degree inflation".
Furthermore
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, some
university
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courses are not closely connected to what the
job
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market actually
need
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needs
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.
For example
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, subjects like philosophy or art history may be interesting, but there are very few related jobs available.
Finally
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, attending
university
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cost
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costs
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a lot of money and time. If
graduates
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cannot find a good
job
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after spending four years in
university
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, they may face serious financial pressure, especially those who have student loans. In conclusion, I believe that
university
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education
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is still valuable for both individuals and the
country
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.
However
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, universities should try to make their courses more practical and relevant to the
job
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market. At the same time, governments should
also
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creating
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create
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more
job
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opportunities so that
graduates
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can make good use of what they have learned.

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task response
Answer both sides a bit more deeply. Your view is clear, but some ideas could be more fully explained.
task response
Add one or two more real and clear examples to support your main ideas.
task response
Keep each main point linked to the question. Most parts do this well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because the order is clear: intro, two body parts, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words well, but do not use too many simple ones in the same way. Try a little more range.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences can be joined more smoothly so the flow feels more natural.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your own opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea and good focus.
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