IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in many public places. Many people believe that such a ban is completely justified. To what extent do you agree.

Throughout the years, the
number
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 of
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 smoke has insanely increased, polluting the atmosphere. In many countries, smoking has
become
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been
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 banned in public areas,
due to
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 many reasons. Many
people
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 think that
such
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 a rule is absolutely logical. I completely agree with
this
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 statement
knowing
Punctuation problem
, knowing
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 that smoking has an extreme negative impact on the environment.
This
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 essay will give reasons to support my opinion. Many things are being negatively affected by the pollution
of
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from
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 cigarettes.
Firstly
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, smoking has caused damage to the air that humans inhale
causing
Punctuation problem
, causing
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 health problems. Many
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 don’t smoke are affected by the polluted air
causing
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, causing
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 health issues.
Secondly
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, many
smokers
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 try to quit, but fail
due to
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 their addiction. If banned in public places,
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people
Check wording
the number of people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 smoke will instantly decrease. They are left with no choice but to stop smoking in most areas, helping their need to quit.
Finally
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,
smokers
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 start
this
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 habit at a young age
,
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apply
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because they are influenced.
Making
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By making
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 smoking illegal, the youth will stop surrounding themselves with
smokers
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, and
this
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 will decrease the
number
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 of
smokers
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. Taking
such
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 a decision can fix many issues
people
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 deal with
,
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apply
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 because of smoking. To start with, pollution has increased
within the
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among
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number
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 of
smokers
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. Putting strict measures on smoking can eventually decrease pollution.
Furthermore
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, the
number
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 of
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 die because of smoking is shocking.
For instance
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, between the years 1990-
2010
Add a comma
2010,
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 the
number
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 of deaths in Europe because of smoking was 5 million of its population.
Therefore
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, the government should put regulations
to
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in place to
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 stop it. In conclusion, I think making smoking publicly illegal can have a positive impact on the world. Smoking has extremely negatively impacted the world. It is mandatory for countries to take
such
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measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
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.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why you agree, and also say if there is any small limit to your view.
task response
Use more ideas about public places and public health, not only air pollution.
task response
Give one or two clear examples with facts you explain well.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way, like firstly, moreover, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences shorter and clearer so the reader can follow your point easily.
task response
You answer the topic and give a clear opinion from the start.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words help the essay move forward.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • prevalence
  • respiratory issues
  • environmental pollution
  • litter
  • healthcare costs
  • smoking-induced illnesses
  • encourage smokers to quit
  • public health improvement
  • justified
  • public spaces
  • exposure
  • non-smokers
  • inconvenience
  • younger populations
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