In many countries, smoking is now illegal in many public places. Many people believe that such a ban is completely justified. To what extent do you agree.

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Throughout the years, the
number
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of
people
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who smoke has increased, polluting the atmosphere. In many countries. Smoking has been banned in public areas
,
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due to
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many reasons. There is a thought that
such
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a rule is absolutely logical. I completely agree with
this
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statement. Smoking has an extreme negative impact on the environment.
This
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essay will provide reasons to support my opinion. Many things are being negatively affected
cigarette
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by cigarette
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pollution.
Firstly
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, smoking has caused damage to the air that humans inhale , causing health problems.
People
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who don’t smoke are affected by the polluted air.
Secondly
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, many
smokers
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try to quit, but fail
due to
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their addiction. If banned in public places, the
number
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of
people
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who smoke will instantly decrease. They are left with no choice but to stop smoking in most areas, helping their need to quit.
Finally
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,
smokers
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start
this
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habit at a young age because they are influenced by
smokers
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. By making smoking illegal, the youth will stop surrounding themselves with these
people
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, and
this
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will decrease the
number
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who partake in
this
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filthy habit. Taking
such
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a decision can fix many issues
people
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deal with
,
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because of smoking. To start with, pollution has increased among
smokers
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. Putting strict measures on smoking can eventually decrease pollution.
Furthermore
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, the
number
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of
people
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who die because of smoking is shocking.
For instance
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, between the years 1990
-
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and
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2010, the
number
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of deaths in Europe because of smoking was 5 million
people
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.
Therefore
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, the government should put regulations in place to stop it. In conclusion, I believe that smoking should be publicly illegal.
This
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can have a positive impact on the world. Smoking has extremely negatively impacted the world. It is mandatory for countries to take
such
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measures.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. You say you fully agree, but you should explain why the ban is justified in a clearer way in both body parts.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Some points are good, but they are short and not fully explained.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. You gave one example about deaths, which helps, but more specific support would make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences feel separate, so use simple linking words in a careful way.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea. At times, your ideas about health, quitting, youth, and pollution are all mixed together.
task response
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction and keep the same view to the end.
task response
You include relevant ideas about health, public air, addiction, and young people.
coherence and cohesion
You use an introduction and a conclusion, so the essay feels complete.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraph order is easy to follow most of the time.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • prevalence
  • respiratory issues
  • environmental pollution
  • litter
  • healthcare costs
  • smoking-induced illnesses
  • encourage smokers to quit
  • public health improvement
  • justified
  • public spaces
  • exposure
  • non-smokers
  • inconvenience
  • younger populations
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