IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to participate in organised group activities in their free time; others say that it is essential for them to learn how to occupy themselves independently. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate regarding
whether
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the way of doing
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
 in free time.Some people believe that parents should urge their child to engage in organised
group
Use synonyms
 activities in their spare time
is
Correct word choice
, as it is
show examples
 beneficial for society,
while
Linking Words
others
Use synonyms
 argue that it is crucial for individuals to learn how to amuse themselves
autonomous
Replace the word
autonomously
.
Linking Words
therefore
Fix capitalization
Therefore
show examples
,before giving my own opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 would like to
dicuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both perspectives. Examining the former opinion,the primary argument supporters would put
foward
Correct your spelling
forward
 is that outdoor activities can foster communication
skill
Check wording
skills
show examples
 and other
sorf
Correct your spelling
social
 skills.
This
Linking Words
 is because it
set
Correct subject-verb agreement
sets
show examples
 an atmosphere
that
Correct pronoun usage
where
show examples
 our
teamate
Fix the agreement mistake
teammates
show examples
 learn to listen
Use synonyms
Change preposition
to others's
show examples
others's
Check wording
others'
show examples
 ideas and we
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 talk out our
thought
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thoughts
show examples
 more clearly.
In addition
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 ,
porponents
Correct your spelling
proponents
also
Linking Words
 believe that these pastime bonding relationships.The reason is that games create shared memorable experiences,helping to build trust and strengthen solidarity within the
group
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,those in favour of the latter opinion have their own arguments.
Linking Words
to
Fix capitalization
To
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 begin
this
Linking Words
 ,they claim that you can enhance cognitive
skill
Check wording
skills
show examples
 and
independence
Replace the word
an independent
 mindset.
This
Linking Words
 is because when you face to difficulting you must
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
try
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to overcome these
challenging
Replace the word
challenges
 without
helping
Replace the word
help
 from
others
Use synonyms
.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,being solo
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 be a great way to relieve stress.For
instant
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instance
show examples
,you can do anything at your own pace without having to communicate,keep up with a
group
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 or please
others
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
,there are convincing arguments
bot
Correct your spelling
both
 for and against the way
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 entertaining in leisure time.
However
Linking Words
 ,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 personally believe that we should engage in organised
group
Use synonyms
 activities provide that you must make sure that you are not
ditracted
Correct your spelling
distracted
 by the opinions or actions of
others
Use synonyms

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task response
Answer both sides more fully, then give your view in a clear way.
task response
Use main ideas that are easy to follow, and add one simple example for each side.
task response
Keep your opinion the same from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
Put one clear main idea in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Use easy link words like first, also, however, and finally.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the one before it.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are linked with words like on the contrary and to conclude.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured environment
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • social skills
  • well-rounded understanding
  • sense of responsibility
  • regular attendance
  • participation
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • entertainment
  • engagement
  • autonomy
  • self-reliance
  • personal development
  • social interaction
  • self-sufficiency
What to do next:
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