IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Nowadays, it is difficult for someone without any
experience
Use synonyms
 to find a relevant job. For each candidate are
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
2 ways to get hired
due to
Linking Words
chosen
Correct determiner usage
their chosen
show examples
 specialisation. First one is to apply with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 diploma that confirms a graduation
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
university
Use synonyms
, another way is to
perform
Verb problem
demonstrate
show examples
 soft and hard
skills
Use synonyms
 to
recruiter
Correct article usage
a recruiter
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 the author discuss pros and cons of
this
Linking Words
 problem and adds his own opinion about
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 degree gives fundamental knowledge and
theoretical
Correct article usage
a theoretical
show examples
 basis to the candidate. A lot of professions,
like
Change preposition
such
show examples
 as medicine, engineering or jurisprudence, require
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 special
university
Use synonyms
 education
without
Punctuation problem
, without
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is
Correct pronoun usage
which there is
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 no way
work
Verb problem
to work
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
diploma
Correct article usage
a diploma
show examples
often is
Correct word order
is often
show examples
 a crucial factor for recruiters, because of confirming candidate's level of proficiency. Education
also
Linking Words
 helps the students to improve his analitical thinking and discipline.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, practical
experience
Use synonyms
 and soft
skills
Use synonyms
 are getting more valuable
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the modern job market. Jobmakers look for potential employees
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who can work in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 team, can quickly adapt and communicate
effective
Replace the word
effectively
. Those
skills
Use synonyms
 hard to obtain from theory.
Moreover
Linking Words
, work
experience
Use synonyms
 helps to
understand
Rephrase
better understand
show examples
better
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 real requirements of the job and to adapt quickly in your field. I have mixed
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 about these 2 sides, but
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that the best way
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to find a balance is to combine educational knowledge and practical
experience
Use synonyms
. The
university
Use synonyms
 gives an important basis, but without real commercial
Use synonyms
experience
Add a comma
experience,
show examples
 it
can be not
Correct word order
may not be
show examples
 enough to get hired. The combination of these 2 ways makes the
applier
Correct your spelling
applicant
 more competitive on
thejob
Correct your spelling
the job
 market.
To sum up
Linking Words
, completing
university
Use synonyms
 education
and
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 getting
experience
Use synonyms
 and developing soft
skills
Use synonyms
 have benefits.
Use synonyms
University
Correct article usage
A university
show examples
 degree is a basis for many employees, whether hard and
softskills
Correct your spelling
soft skills
 help to
use
Verb problem
apply
show examples
 your knowledge
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 practice. I consider that the best path to reach
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success is to mix
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 ways.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about each side, but the ideas are short.
task response
Give one or two clear examples to support your main ideas.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from the start and keep it clear in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'for example'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order, because some sentences are hard to follow.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Main ideas stay on the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • specialized training
  • networking
  • baseline requirement
  • financial burden
  • hands-on experience
  • practical skills
  • soft skills
  • dynamic job market
  • entrepreneur
  • formal education
  • portfolio
  • hybrid approach
What to do next:
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