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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart gives information on the percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for the years 1980 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons were relevant.

The chart gives information on the percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for the years 1980 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons were relevant.
The bar chart compares the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 leaving to attend a higher
education
Use synonyms
 in five countries between 1980 and 2015. In general, we can indicate that there has been an increasing
amount
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 attending
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 in almost all five countries, except for Australia
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 remain a steady
amount
Use synonyms
. In 1980, about 36% of
women
Use synonyms
 in the UK
enter
Wrong verb form
entered
show examples
 a higher
education
Use synonyms
 and rises to about 56% in 2015. A similar trend
occur
Correct subject-verb agreement
occurs
show examples
 with
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, rising from about 39% to 69%,
along with
Linking Words
 South Korea, which rises from about 15% to 30%, and in France as well, which rises from 50% to about 55%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Australia remain a steady
amount
Use synonyms
 of nearly 60% in both 1980 and 2015. In summary, we can see the four countries gain a significant improvement in their
education
Use synonyms
 system throughout the past year, resulting in an increasing
amount
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 being able to attend a higher
Use synonyms
education
Punctuation problem
education,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 in Australia, the
education
Use synonyms
 system has
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 steady with a result of a pretty high outcome
along
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the past year.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, education, amount with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rises" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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