Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe a permanent job is more valuable. Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is often argued that
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction is more valuable than
job
Use synonyms
security,
while
Linking Words
others believe that
permanent
Correct article usage
a permanent
show examples
job
Use synonyms
is more important.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
this
Linking Words
topic has attracted significant attention worldwide
due to
Linking Words
its impact on individuals.
This
Linking Words
essay will examine both the views and provide relevant examples to support my point. One of the main reasons
to have a
Change preposition
for
show examples
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction is
willingness
Correct article usage
the willingness
show examples
to
work
Use synonyms
. Willingness to
work
Use synonyms
is crucial for professional development,
despite that
Correct word choice
but
show examples
your
job
Use synonyms
should feel like fun rather than
burden
Correct article usage
a burden
show examples
.
when
Fix capitalization
When
show examples
you love your
job
Use synonyms
, you don't
work
Use synonyms
for money, you
work
Use synonyms
for your
passion
Use synonyms
. Finding a
high wage
Correct your spelling
high-wage
job
Use synonyms
is much more convenient than finding a
job
Use synonyms
in which you feel fortunate.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction can be
define
Wrong verb form
defined
show examples
in other forms as well
Punctuation problem
, whether
show examples
whether it can be
Correct word choice
such as
show examples
better employee
benfits
Correct your spelling
benefits
, hard
work
Use synonyms
recognition and many more. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
, one of my
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
used to
work
Use synonyms
in an IT Company, he was earning more than enough wages.
However
Linking Words
, he was not satisfied
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
his
job
Use synonyms
Linking Words
subsequently
Punctuation problem
; subsequently
show examples
, he decided to switch his career and follow his
passion
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
video editing. Honestly, he started at basic pay, but
eventually
Punctuation problem
eventually,
show examples
with
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
he made good money. It indicated that once you start following your
passion
Use synonyms
, financial freedom will
come eventually
Correct word order
eventually come
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
Job
Use synonyms
security is
cruicial
Correct your spelling
crucial
for a majority of parents.
when
Fix capitalization
When
show examples
you have family
having
Punctuation problem
, having
show examples
a permanent
job
Use synonyms
is bliss. It can provide you sense of safety in your life,when you are getting a fixed salary every month. Because of
passion
Use synonyms
, if you start switching
Use synonyms
job
Check wording
jobs
show examples
, it can have
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
impact on your professional career as well
Linking Words
due
Punctuation problem
, due
show examples
to which
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
companies might reject your application. As they don't see stability in your career.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is vital to have secured
job
Use synonyms
as well.
To conclude
Linking Words
, having a satisaction in your
work
Use synonyms
is as important as
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
show examples
job
Use synonyms
. So, I believe that
mix
Correct article usage
a mix
show examples
of both is really important for an individual.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about job joy and job safety, but each side needs one more clear idea.
task response
Give your opinion more clearly in the body, not only at the end.
task response
Use more clear examples. Your friend example is useful, but one more short example would help.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one simple plan: main idea, reason, example, result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like 'first', 'for example', 'however', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar, because some lines are hard to follow.
task response
You answer both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use a real example to support your idea.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • job
  • work
  • happy
  • enjoy
  • like
  • feel good
  • safe
  • steady
  • money
  • pay
  • income
  • plan
  • life
  • family
  • health
  • stress
  • risk
  • grow
  • learn
  • skill
  • future
  • balance
  • choice
  • option
  • example
  • in my view
  • on the other hand
  • therefore
  • early
  • later
What to do next:
Look at other essays: