Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe a permanent job is more valuable. Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is often argued that

job

Use synonyms

satisfaction is more valuable than

job

Use synonyms

security,

while

Linking Words

others believe that

permanent

Correct article usage

a permanent

show examples

job

Use synonyms

is more important.

Nowadays

Punctuation problem

Nowadays,

show examples

this

Linking Words

topic has attracted significant attention worldwide

due to

Linking Words

its impact on individuals.

This

Linking Words

essay will examine both the views and provide relevant examples to support my point. One of the main reasons

to have a

Change preposition

for

show examples

job

Use synonyms

satisfaction is

willingness

Correct article usage

the willingness

show examples

work

Use synonyms

. Willingness to

work

Use synonyms

is crucial for professional development,

despite that

Correct word choice

but

show examples

your

job

Use synonyms

should feel like fun rather than

burden

Correct article usage

a burden

show examples

when

Fix capitalization

When

show examples

you love your

job

Use synonyms

, you don't

work

Use synonyms

for money, you

work

Use synonyms

for your

passion

Use synonyms

. Finding a

high wage

Correct your spelling

high-wage

job

Use synonyms

is much more convenient than finding a

job

Use synonyms

in which you feel fortunate.

Linking Words

Furthermore

Add a comma

Furthermore,

show examples

job

Use synonyms

satisfaction can be

define

Wrong verb form

defined

show examples

in other forms as well

Punctuation problem

, whether

show examples

whether it can be

Correct word choice

such as

show examples

better employee

benfits

Correct your spelling

benefits

, hard

work

Use synonyms

recognition and many more. For

intance

Correct your spelling

instance

, one of my

friend

Fix the agreement mistake

friends

show examples

used to

work

Use synonyms

in an IT Company, he was earning more than enough wages.

However

Linking Words

, he was not satisfied

Change preposition

with

show examples

his

job

Use synonyms

Linking Words

subsequently

Punctuation problem

; subsequently

show examples

, he decided to switch his career and follow his

passion

Use synonyms

Change preposition

for

show examples

video editing. Honestly, he started at basic pay, but

eventually

Punctuation problem

eventually,

show examples

with

time

Punctuation problem

time,

show examples

he made good money. It indicated that once you start following your

passion

Use synonyms

, financial freedom will

come eventually

Correct word order

eventually come

show examples

On the other hand

Linking Words

Job

Use synonyms

security is

cruicial

Correct your spelling

crucial

for a majority of parents.

when

Fix capitalization

When

show examples

you have family

having

Punctuation problem

, having

show examples

a permanent

job

Use synonyms

is bliss. It can provide you sense of safety in your life,when you are getting a fixed salary every month. Because of

passion

Use synonyms

, if you start switching

Use synonyms

job

Check wording

jobs

show examples

, it can have

negative

Correct article usage

a negative

show examples

impact on your professional career as well

Linking Words

due

Punctuation problem

, due

show examples

to which

few

Correct article usage

a few

show examples

companies might reject your application. As they don't see stability in your career.

Therefore

Linking Words

, it is vital to have secured

job

Use synonyms

as well.

To conclude

Linking Words

, having a satisaction in your

work

Use synonyms

is as important as

stable

Correct article usage

a stable

show examples

job

Use synonyms

. So, I believe that

mix

Correct article usage

a mix

show examples

of both is really important for an individual.

saranshs712

Apr 1, 2026

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task response

Answer both sides more fully. You talk about job joy and job safety, but each side needs one more clear idea.

task response

Give your opinion more clearly in the body, not only at the end.

task response

Use more clear examples. Your friend example is useful, but one more short example would help.

coherence and cohesion

Make each paragraph follow one simple plan: main idea, reason, example, result.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words more carefully, like 'first', 'for example', 'however', and 'therefore'.

coherence and cohesion

Check sentence order and grammar, because some lines are hard to follow.

task response

You answer both views and give your opinion.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.

task response

You use a real example to support your idea.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

325 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

job
work
happy
enjoy
like
feel good
safe
steady
money
pay
income
plan
life
family
health
stress
risk
grow
learn
skill
future
balance
choice
option
example
in my view
on the other hand
therefore
early
later

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