IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Write a letter to your manager to request setting up a cafeteria for the staff. In your letter, you should tell: what you heard about the inconvenience from the staff how you feel about it what suggestions you have. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin you letter as follows: Dear Mr.,

Dear
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
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 Ram, I am writing to request a cafeteria setup for the employees. The reason for my request is that I heard from other staff about how inconvenient for them to go outside
of
Change preposition
the
show examples
 office area for breakfast and
lunch
Use synonyms
 during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
office hours. I have the same problem, because sometimes I do not bring my
lunch
Use synonyms
 box
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 during busy days, it becomes difficult to go out for
lunch
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, after discussing with other team members, I found that everyone has the same issue. During my free time, I circulated the survey form to different teams and asked for suggestions on resolving
this
Linking Words
 issue
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the majority of staff
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 a cafeteria on
ground
Correct article usage
the ground
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 floor
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it should at least have
lunch
Use synonyms
 during
break
Correct article usage
the break
show examples
 hour.
To begin
Linking Words
 with company can order food during break hours
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 employees can buy it from the company. I hope
this
Linking Words
 request is convenient
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I am looking forward to your prompt response. Yours sincerely, Sandeep Pandey

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task response
Task response: You answer all parts, but some ideas need clearer detail.
task response
Task response: Use a more formal tone in some lines, for example add 'the' and 'a' in the right places.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your letter is easy to follow, but some sentences are long and not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Link ideas with simple words like 'also', 'so', and 'because'.
task response
Task response: You cover the problem, your feeling, and your ideas.
task response
Task response: Your suggestion about food on the ground floor is clear and useful.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your letter has a clear opening, body, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Each paragraph has one main idea most of the time.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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