IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others think that people cannot expect to enjoy a job and having a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Many individuals believe that having a
job
Use synonyms
 that satisfies you is more important than having a secure
job
Use synonyms
. Others argue that enjoying a
job
Use synonyms
 is not possible
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 having a fixed
job
Use synonyms
 is more important.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 every group of people have their reasons to agree with a certain view,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think working in a field that
pleasures
Use the right word
pleases
show examples
 you is the most vital. On the one hand, some people think that you should pursue a stable
permenant
Correct your spelling
permanent
job
Use synonyms
 because it provides financial security with a fixed salary every month.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 when you reach the age of
retirment
Correct your spelling
retirement
, most of the companies or government institutions send a monthly pension.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 it gives you
rest
Check wording
peace
show examples
 of mind because
probably you
Correct word order
you probably
show examples
 will not be obliged to take risks that could have detrimental effects on other aspects of the
job
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others believe in having a
job
Use synonyms
 of
your
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 choice. A profession where you can get creative pursuing it. because they think that if you are doing something
that is
Linking Words
 satisfactory to you. Your performance will be better.You will find yourself more productive.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 can lead to an
overall
Linking Words
 greater work experience. In a profession of your own desire
a
Punctuation problem
, a
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 that you find enjoyment doing
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Is another type of pleasure in my point of view. In conclusion,
While
Linking Words
 peoplemay vary in their opinions. I
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 pursuing a career in a
job
Use synonyms
 you enjoy is a priority.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You give both views, but the ideas are short.
task response
Add one clear example for each side. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Explain your opinion more. Say why job satisfaction is more important, with one real reason.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas with simple linking words like 'First', 'Also', 'However', and 'As a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with full stops. Some sentences are broken into very short parts, so the flow is weak.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main idea of each paragraph is easy to see.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job
  • work
  • happy
  • enjoy
  • like
  • feel good
  • safe
  • steady
  • money
  • pay
  • income
  • plan
  • life
  • family
  • health
  • stress
  • risk
  • grow
  • learn
  • skill
  • future
  • balance
  • choice
  • option
  • example
  • in my view
  • on the other hand
  • therefore
  • early
  • later
What to do next:
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