IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is believed that children from countries with a high level of unemployment should be offered just with a primary education and should not be offered with a secondary education as anyway they will not get a job in the future. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Education
Use synonyms
 is the basic human right of every individual. No matter what the unemployment
,
Correct word choice
or
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 poverty ratio
is
Punctuation problem
is,
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 no one should be deprived of the basic study rights. Some people under the assumption that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries with
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 job market should not focus on the higher degree of
there
Use the right word
their
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 youth members. I completely disagree with the statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
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 for the
disappporval
Correct your spelling
disagreement
 will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 is the key to success.
with the
Correct determiner usage
With
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 secondary
Use synonyms
education
Add a comma
education,
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 people can grow their careers into various fields
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 doctors, law
students
Use synonyms
, engineers and various other fields. Even though at some places the level of employment is comparatively low
Punctuation problem
, but
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but still
Correct word choice
apply
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there are various sectors which still has shoratge of employees. And the only way to fill those vacancies is
the
Change preposition
through the
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 study factor.
Secondly
Linking Words
, people can migrate to various places in search of jobs if they have proper qualifications.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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places like canada, america has high demand for medical field
students
Use synonyms
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 if the
students
Use synonyms
 are well qualified
than
Correct word choice
, then
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 they can come to
canada
Fix capitalization
Canada
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 for
the
Correct article usage
a
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 better future.
According to
Linking Words
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
show examples
 conducted by the
university
Fix capitalization
University
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 of British
columbia
Fix capitalization
Columbia
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, 65% of job vacancies of medical sector in
canada
Fix capitalization
Canada
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 are filled by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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international
students
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
umemployment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 can act as a
hinderance
Replace the word
hindrance
 in grabbing
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
education
Use synonyms
but
Correct word choice
,
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 getting degrees in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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higher
field
Check wording
fields
show examples
 is an asset. To grow above the poverty
line
Punctuation problem
line,
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 one must focus on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
studies.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like first, also, and finally.
coherence cohesion
Add more clear support for each main point.
task achievement
Answer the question in a more direct way all through the essay.
task achievement
Explain your ideas more fully with simple and clear detail.
task achievement
Use examples that are more exact and easy to trust.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task achievement
Your opinion is clear: you disagree with the idea.
task achievement
You give two main reasons to support your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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