IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart compares the share of Britain’s population who consumed five or more portions of fruits and vegetables in their daily meals. The data is categorised according to gender and age. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, making comparisons where relevant.

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The data shows the percentages of
British
Check wording
Britons
show examples
 who had five or more portions of fruits and vegetables in everyday meals by gender and age from 2001 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, women showed the highest figures among
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 groups over the period,
while
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
remain
Verb problem
showed
show examples
 the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 figures. Adults showed
gradual
Correct article usage
a gradual
show examples
 increase from 2001 to 2006
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 hit
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 peak in 2007 and started to drop. Looking at the details, the
figure
Use synonyms
 of women gradually increased from about 23% in 2001 to nearly 35% in 2006 and started to decline after that
remaining
Punctuation problem
, remaining
show examples
 the highest
figure
Use synonyms
 among
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 groups over the period.
Children
Use synonyms
 and men showed similar patterns of change
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 showing little change between 2001 and 2003, started to rise by 2007 and
then
Linking Words
 started to drop. Men showed
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 lowest
figure
Use synonyms
 around 17% from 2001 to 2003 and hit the peak around 27% in 2006.
Children
Use synonyms
 started at roughly 13% around 2001 to 2003 and reached the highest
figure
Use synonyms
 at nearly 26% in 2007. Both men and
children
Use synonyms
 showed
plummet
Correct article usage
a plummet
show examples
 in 2008.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • the proportion of people
  • the percentage of the population
  • men and women
  • age groups
  • daily meals
  • five or more portions
  • ate enough fruit and vegetables
  • was higher than
  • was lower than
  • rose with age
  • reached a peak
  • hit the highest point
  • fell slightly
  • the youngest group
  • the oldest group
  • middle-aged people
  • in comparison
  • by contrast
  • overall
  • it is clear that
  • the figure for women
  • the figure for men
  • stood at
  • was around
  • just under
  • just over
  • about one third
  • a small gap
  • a clear difference
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