Some people have argued that video games are a waste of time, and people should spend their time and money on better hobbies. Do the advantages of video games outweigh the disadvantages ?

In the contemporary era, the gaming industry has taken over globally. Sparking intense debates against its utility.
While
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some critics dismiss
video
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games
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as a drain on time and financial resources,
i
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I
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believe that the social beneifts outweighs the drawbacks.
Firstly
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, the argument against
video
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games
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centers
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centres
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on the lifestyle and opportunity
cost
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costs
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associated with excessive play. People argue that the hours spent in front of the screen could be better
utilized
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utilised
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for physical exercise or
triditional
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traditional
hobbies that foster tangible skills.
Furthermore
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, the
addctive
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addictive
nature of
video
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games
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can lead to neglect of academic or professional responsibilities. A study by the University of Dublin
that
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found that
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60% of
childrens
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children
who are addicted to
video
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games
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studys
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study
less than normal kids.
Secondly
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,
video
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games
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provides
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provide
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profound cognitive stimulation unlike other entertainment devices like TVs,
Ipads
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iPads
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.
Video
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games
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require active problem solving
,
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apply
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strategic thinking.
For instance
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, complex strategy
games
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demands high level resource management and
long term
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long-term
planning.
According to
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Dr.
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James
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James,
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kids who play
games
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have a higher intelligence than kids who
does
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do
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not.
To conclude
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,
while
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there are valid concerns regarding addiction and physical inactivity, the benefits of gaming
ranges
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range
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from cognitive development to social connectivity are
substanial
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substantial
. As long as the individuals exercise
self regulation
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self-regulation
, the advantages of
video
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games
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undoubtedly eclipse the disadvantages.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why the good side is stronger than the bad side in each body part.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to trust. Your study example is not fully clear, so it does not help enough.
task response
Develop your ideas more. Some points are good, but they need one more sentence of explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Link some sentences more smoothly. A few ideas feel sudden, especially the short study sentence alone in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one main idea. This will help the essay feel more connected.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You discuss both the bad side and the good side of video games, so the response is complete.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs, and this helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion matches the introduction, so the whole essay feels complete.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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