IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In contemporary society, it is often argued that
pollution
Use synonyms
 of rivers, lakes and seas is a main concern for individuals who try to protect the environment.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the possible causes of
water
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 before
explaiging
Correct your spelling
explaining
 the effects on both animal and human life. One major cause is that excessive use of
transportaion
Correct your spelling
transportation
 on
water
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as shipments or boats.
This
Linking Words
 is because these
tranports
Correct your spelling
transports
 emit gases or fuels to
trvel
Correct your spelling
travel
 across the
water
Use synonyms
 significantly and directly.
For example
Linking Words
, A conservationist insists that the
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 all over the world have to regulate the number of shipments to keep oceans
cleaned
Wrong verb form
clean
show examples
. These problems become severe when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
emission accidents occur. Another cause is
trashes
Check wording
trash
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 who visit the rivers or oceans
leave
Punctuation problem
leave,
show examples
 since some rude individuals don't place
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
importance on
nature protect completely
Correct word order
completely protecting nature
show examples
 and just throw
garbages
Check wording
garbage
show examples
 where they enjoy nature.
For instance
Linking Words
, many camping spots with
water
Use synonyms
 may face difficulties
to get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 rid of what visitors
left
Wrong verb form
leave behind
show examples
, which can lead to environmental damage.
Water
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 from these reasons
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 have negative impacts on not only animal
lfie
Correct your spelling
life
 but
also
Linking Words
human's
Check wording
human
show examples
 well-being. Some animals struggle to
trashes
Replace the word
trawl
 when they feed underwater. It may result in illness and even death.
Similarly
Linking Words
, these days
inside
Punctuation problem
, inside
show examples
 ingredients from seas, some fractions of
garbages
Check wording
garbage
show examples
 are often found, which in turn increase the possibility of sickness when
people
Use synonyms
 eat them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many professionals expect that we can eat them without any notice. In conclusion, offensive use of ships and
trashes
Check wording
trash
show examples
 from
people
Use synonyms
 may cause severe
water
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
, which
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the threats of illness for
people
Use synonyms
 and animals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. You name causes and effects, but some ideas are very short.
task response
Use clearer examples. Your examples are linked to the topic, but they are too general.
task response
Explain each main point one step more. Show how the cause leads to pollution, and how pollution leads to harm.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word choice and grammar. Use shorter and simpler sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with words like first, another, as a result, and finally.
task response
You answer the main question and talk about both causes and effects.
coherence and cohesion
You include an introduction and a conclusion, which helps the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphing is mostly clear, with one idea group in each part.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • contamination
  • industrial discharge
  • untreated sewage
  • agricultural runoff
  • pesticides
  • oil spills
  • microplastics
  • eutrophication
  • algal blooms
  • marine dumping
  • bioaccumulation
  • ecosystem
  • biodiversity
  • public health
  • waterborne diseases
  • fishing industry
  • tourism industry
  • sustainable practices
  • environmental regulations
  • waste management
What to do next:
Look at other essays: