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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that working from home is beneficial for both employees and employers, while others think it leads to decreased productivity. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working from home.

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It is believed by some people that
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 from home
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 benefits both employees and employers,
however
Linking Words
 other opine that it has
detrimental
Correct article usage
a detrimental
show examples
 effect on
productivity
Use synonyms
. These policies will definately cut-off company's running cost and give
opportunity to
Correct word order
workers the opportunity to
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
 spend quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their loved
one's
Check wording
ones
show examples
,
wheareas
Correct your spelling
whereas
 it
reduced
Wrong verb form
will reduce
show examples
productivity
Use synonyms
 if not essential steps
will
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 taken to follow-up their progress. On the one hand, people who think
this
Linking Words
significantly
Verb problem
is significantly
show examples
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for both of them.
This
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 is because when
workers
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 from their homes,
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
 is no need to spend expenses on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
office rent, utility, and maintenance.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, employees
no
Rephrase
do not
show examples
 need
do
Verb problem
to
show examples
 spend money on commuting, and have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to manage their
Use synonyms
work life
Correct your spelling
work-life
 balance. Which
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
 their
productivity
Use synonyms
, and give freedom to manage their
time
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according to
Linking Words
 themselves.
Moreover
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, it
also
Linking Words
 helps to increase their family relations because they have enough
time
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 to use for their
work
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 and for
family
Correct determiner usage
their family
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, a study shows a result which proves
work
Use synonyms
 from home policy save money for both of them and give
time
Use synonyms
 to spend with their families.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, individuals who think
this
Linking Words
 will have
detrimental
Correct article usage
a detrimental
show examples
 effect on
productivity
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 is because
workers
Use synonyms
 become lazy
due to
Linking Words
 non structural environment as in
office
Correct article usage
an office
show examples
, and not direct supervision from their seniors. To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, in their houses their is more distraction from their
families
Check wording
family
show examples
 members and some household errands, which leads to reducing their
work
Use synonyms
 speed, and delaying
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
projects.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, in their homes
no body
Correct your spelling
nobody
 is there to supervise them
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 results in not completing their
work
Use synonyms
in their timeline
Change preposition
on time
show examples
. If managers do regular follow-up
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
workers
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,
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 will streamline the process with more
productivity
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 from home
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 more
time
Use synonyms
 to spend
Use synonyms
time
Check wording
apply
show examples
with their families and
reduced
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 the expenses of companies,
yet
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they
need
Rephrase
still need
show examples
 to supervise them to keep their
work
Use synonyms
 on
time
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. You did this, but some ideas need more clear detail.
task response
Give one or two more clear and real examples to support your main ideas.
task response
Make each main idea easy to follow. Some sentences are hard to understand because of grammar and word form problems.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Sometimes the sentence connection is weak or confusing.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. A few ideas repeat, and some parts can be grouped better.
task response
You answered the full question and discussed both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used examples about cost, family time, and supervision, which fit the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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