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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days, more and more people are going to other countries for significant periods of time, either to find a job or to study. There are clearly many benefits to doing this, but people who live abroad can also face some difficulties. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living and working in a foreign country.

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Nowadays, most of the people are going
to
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apply
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abroad for long periods of time to find a job or study. There are obviously a lot of beneficial
sides
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 to doing
this
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. These people can
also
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 face some difficulties
about
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in
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 living and studying in other countries. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss some of the reasons for
this
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 situation in terms of the advantages and disadvantages
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apply
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sides
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. On the one hand, most individuals prefer to go abroad to find new job opportunities. There are some positive
sides
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 and reasons for doing
this
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 movement. First of all, people who are living abroad
,they
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apply
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are able to gain new experiences for their
life
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 path.
For instance
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, they can explore new cultures, languages and visit new places.
Moreover
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, gaining new experiences are ensure broading their horizons about
life
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.
On the other hand
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, living and studying in a completely different country has some negative
sides
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 in social and emotional situations.
It is clear that
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,
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apply
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 adapting to a new environment has some difficulties for a person's
life
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.
For example
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, an individual who works abroad, he/she might face some adaptation problems with society rules ,
such
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 as understanding how to behave and talk with citizens in
streets
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the streets
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 or in social places. In conclusion, living and working abroad has advantages
such
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 as gaining new experiences and
broadining
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broadening
 horizons about
life
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.
However
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, there are
also
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 disadvantages
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such
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, such
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 as some adaptation problems to a new environment and some difficulties of being away from close family members.
Although
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 there are some negative effects to doing
this
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, I believe that living and studying in a foreign country improves in many ways, both
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life
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in terms of life
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 standards and social environment.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Write more about the good points and the bad points.
task response
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. One paragraph for advantages and one for disadvantages is good, but each main point needs more support.
task response
Give more specific examples. Your example about social rules is useful, but you need one clear example for each side.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your ideas in a simple order. Some sentences are hard to follow because the grammar breaks the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Words like 'First', 'Also', 'However', and 'For example' can help.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea with different words. This makes the essay less clear.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
You discuss both advantages and disadvantages, so you answer the main task.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphing is clear, and the essay is easy to see in parts.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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