IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The majority of countries worldwide have banned smoking in public places.
This
Linking Words
 decision was supported by a large group of people because of the undeniable harm smoking causes to
Correct article usage
the human’s
show examples
human’s
Check wording
human
show examples
 body. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion, since in many cases irreversible damage,
such
Linking Words
 as wildfires or role modeling may be done. The main reason why I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement is that
such
Linking Words
 health-harmful habits as smoking, when exposed to developing minds, can be mistakenly perceived as a normal phenomenon and even be imitated in the future. Statistics show that teenagers who consistently witness adults smoking
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are more inclined to pick up the habit than those who have never encountered a smoker.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that smoking in public must be strictly prohibited.
In addition
Linking Words
, smoking in areas open
for
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 public, especially
the ones
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 surrounded by nature, is often banned not only for moral reasons, but
also
Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
 environmental safety.
For instance
Linking Words
, a few years ago in a local park in my hometown, someone carelessly discarded a still burning cigarette butt, which immediately
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to an uncontrolled fire,
subsequently
Linking Words
 devastating a large part of the area.
This
Linking Words
 case shows how essential it is to follow the rules
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 imposed by the authorities. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 every person is responsible for their own choices and may decide whether or not to pick up a habit, public smoking should be prohibited in order to prevent a bad influence on the youngsters,
as well as
Linking Words
 to minimise risks of fire.
Moreover
Linking Words
, implementing
such
Linking Words
rule
Correct article usage
a rule
show examples
 is essential for living in a prosperous society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main answer even more direct in the first part. Say clearly that you agree because of health, children, and fire risk.
task response
Add one more short idea about second-hand smoke, because it is the most common reason for this ban.
task response
Your examples are good, but explain them a bit more to show why they strongly support your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler and more exact linking words. Some long phrases make your meaning less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph and start each paragraph with a very clear topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Check small grammar and word choice errors, because they can make the flow less smooth.
task response
You answer the question clearly and your opinion is easy to see.
task response
You give two clear reasons for your view.
task response
You use a real example about the park fire, and this helps your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'In addition' and 'Therefore' well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • prevalence
  • respiratory issues
  • environmental pollution
  • litter
  • healthcare costs
  • smoking-induced illnesses
  • encourage smokers to quit
  • public health improvement
  • justified
  • public spaces
  • exposure
  • non-smokers
  • inconvenience
  • younger populations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: