IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

New generations of video games on the internet, like Blox Fruit, make people become lazy. What are the effects? How can this be solved?

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Newer
video
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games
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 on the internet
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
,
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apply
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blox fruit
Fix capitalization
Blox Fruit
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, are making individuals unproductive
which
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, which
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 may cause
effects
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 for them.
in
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In
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this
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essay
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essay,
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 we will talk about the
effects
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 of these
games
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 and a solution.
Linking Words
overall
Fix capitalization
Overall
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, some newer
video
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games
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 can make individuals unproductive for long hours
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 they can develop bad habits and
effects
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 that could potentially be harmful to the body. We can find solutions like alternative
games
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, less time playing and more physical activities that are enjoyable and
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
. These
video
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games
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 can have serious and bad
effects
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 on the person mentally and physically. Playing
games
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 for a long duration doesn't only make you less productive, but
also
Linking Words
 can impact your body.
Overwieght
Correct your spelling
Overweight
 is a serious effect that can cause heart diseases
and
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apply
show examples
. The
effects
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 of being Overweight doen't stop there
as
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, as
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 doing your
every day
Correct your spelling
everyday
 activities can become effortful. Sports become harder
and
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, and
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 even walking can become challenging.
Although
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 some new
video
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games
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 might make you lazy, there are solutions to
this
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 problem. Finding an alternative game
that is
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 enjoyable, educational and physically intense can help reduce and even eliminate these
effects
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. Having less playing time
while
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 working out would make better results than just playing.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk about effects and fixes, but the ideas are short.
task response
Give one or two clear examples, like how game time can hurt study, sleep, or work.
task response
Explain each main point more. Say why it happens and what result it brings.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: intro, effects, solutions, end. Your essay has this, but it can be stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, because, so, and finally.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and full stops. Some parts stop too soon or are not complete.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
Your main idea is clear: too much gaming can hurt health and daily life.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow in most parts.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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