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Band 5.5

the table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies bewteeb 1975 and 2015.

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The table compares the
proportion
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 of
women
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 in senior
management
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 positions in three
companies
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, namely
Eldan
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Ltd
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,
Bamforth
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Ltd
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 and
Finsbury
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Ltd
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from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 1975 to 2015.
Overall
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,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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consistent growth can be seen over the time period in each company.
However
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,
speed
Correct article usage
the speed
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 of the change showed different patterns among
companies
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.
Initially
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, in 1975, the
proportion
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 of
women
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 in senior
management
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 in
Finsbury
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Ltd
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. had the highest
percentage
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, accounting for 16%,
while
Linking Words
Eldan
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Ltd
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. represented the minority at 3%. From 1975 to 1980, the
percentage
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 of
women
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 in senior
management
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 at
Eldan
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Ltd
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. remained the same, accounting for 3%. Both the
proportion
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 of
women
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 in senior
management
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 positions in
Finsbury
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Ltd
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. and
Bamforth
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Ltd
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. experienced the same increase of 2% in 1980. Afterwards, from 1985 to 1990, all
companies
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 rose significantly at 28%, 15% and 22%, respectively.
However
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, between 1990 and 2000, all
companies
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 had different patterns. The share of
women
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 in senior
management
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 in
Eldan
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Ltd
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. had the highest increase of 5%.
Moreover
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, the
proportion
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 of
women
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 in senior
management
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 in
Eldan
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Ltd
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. constituted the bulk of the
proportion
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 at 28%, followed closely by
Bamforth
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Ltd
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. at 17%.
In contrast
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, the
proportion
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 of
women
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 in senior
management
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in
Change preposition
at
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Finsbury
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Ltd
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. decreased steadily at 20%.
Finally
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, between 2000 and 2015, each company witnessed a significant upward trend. The
proportion
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 of
women
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 in senior
management
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 in
Eldan
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Ltd
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. had the maximum
percentage
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, accounting for 64%, followed by
Bamforth
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Ltd
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. at 46%. The
proportion
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 of
women
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 in senior
management
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 in
Finsbury
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Ltd
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. represented the
negligble
Correct your spelling
negligible
percentage
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 of 26%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, women, management, companies, eldan, ltd, bamforth, finsbury, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage of women
  • senior management
  • take part in
  • go up
  • rise
  • grow
  • increase
  • a small share
  • a large share
  • higher than
  • lower than
  • the highest
  • the lowest
  • steady growth
  • sharp rise
  • over the period
  • at the start
  • by the end
  • compared with
  • in contrast
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