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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

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Although
Linking Words
 some undergraduate
students
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 prefer to study
about
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apply
show examples
other
courses
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in
Linking Words
addition
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 to their main
courses
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, others believe that they have to work on their main
subjects
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 with full concentration. When
students
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 apply for jobs,
addition
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 cources will help to enhance the quality of admissions.
However
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, I believe that doing a lot of
addition
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 cources negatively affects their final
GPA
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. On the one hand,
while
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students
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 are studying at the
university
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, the most vital target is the final
GPA
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. If
students
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 follow other
courses
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 , it will affect their final
GPA
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 negatively.
Furthermore
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, they can not concentrate on their studies, which are the most important thing during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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university
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 life.
For example
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, my
university
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 friend followed a lot of additional
courses
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 during
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
university
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 studies.
Consequently
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, he could not apply
the
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for a
show examples
 master’s degree in Australia because his
GPA
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 was lower than the master’s requirements.
On the other hand
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, nowadays, the competition
of
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in the
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 job market has increased significantly because people’s education levels have been growing, so that they can apply for a wide range of jobs. If undergraduate
students
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 follow
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addition
Replace the word
additional
subjects
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, it will be a positive point in the job interview.
Therefore
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, they can success their future
while
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 extra
subjects
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 are being followed.
For instance
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, the Maas company , which is the largest fabric company in Sri Lanka , came to our
university
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, and they searched
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students
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for students
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,
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apply
show examples
 who completed some extra
subjects
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such
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 as computer graphics and computer vision. In conclusion,
although
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students
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 have extra benefits
with
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from
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 completing extra
courses
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, sometimes,
students
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 can not focus on their major studies.
Thus
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, they should remember
,
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apply
show examples
 what their main priority is.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. You talk more about GPA, but the good side of learning other subjects needs more full support.
task response
Make your main opinion very clear from the start and keep it the same in all parts.
task response
Explain your ideas more deeply. Some points are good, but they need one more line to show why they are true.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some are good, but a few parts feel forced or not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Put one clear main idea in each body paragraph and connect each example directly to that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and small grammar form, because these can make the flow less clear.
task response
You answer the question and discuss both views.
task response
Your opinion is clear: you think too many extra subjects can hurt main study.
task response
You use examples from real life, and this helps support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow in the general order of the essay.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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