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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in different
age
Use synonyms
 groups who did regular physical
activity
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Linking Words
Overall
Punctuation problem
Overall,
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 had more physical
activity
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 in many
age
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 groups
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 in the range of 15 to 24
Use synonyms
men
Punctuation problem
, men
show examples
 had higher physical
activity
Use synonyms
 than
women
Use synonyms
up
Punctuation problem
, up
show examples
 to 5.1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The
age
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between
Check wording
group between
show examples
 35
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 44 had the biggest gap
up
Punctuation problem
, up
show examples
 to 13 percent and the
most
Rephrase
apply
show examples
highest physical
activity
Use synonyms
 was
Use synonyms
women
Change preposition
among women
show examples
in
Replace the word
aged
age
Use synonyms
 45 to 54
, for
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 the
most
Rephrase
apply
show examples
lowest gap was
age
Use synonyms
 between 65 and over
only
Change preposition
, with only
show examples
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
0.4
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
women
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 showed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher physical
activity
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 than
men
Use synonyms
 in many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 groups
without
Punctuation problem
, without
show examples
 in 15 to 24
of
Punctuation problem
, of
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 so it mean in younger
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
men
Check wording
groups, men
show examples
 had
trend
Correct article usage
a trend
show examples
 to physical
activity
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more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than
women
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 in older
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
women
Check wording
groups, women
show examples
 had
trend
Correct article usage
a trend
show examples
 to physical
activity
Use synonyms
more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than
men
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 91%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, age, activity with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
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