IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

If all workers in a company were paid exact same wage regardless of job role there would be much more harmony and cooperation between staff. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
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 modern world,it is widely believed that all employees must be paid similar
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
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 despite their responsibilities.
While
Linking Words
 others argue that it has to pay depends on their fields and
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of
work
Use synonyms
.Personally,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 strongly disagree with
this
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 point of view
given
Punctuation problem
, given
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 that different
jobs
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 require a wide range of responsibilities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine why campaigns should pay
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different monthly payment for workers.
Firstly
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,it can be seen that each
Use synonyms
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 needed different responsibilities that would depend on
their
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 quality of
work
Use synonyms
.To prove
this
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 point, in
such
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 fields
management
Punctuation problem
, management
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 and banking require
high
Rephrase
highly
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 skilled employees compared to manual labour
due to
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 the fact that
,
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apply
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 these types of occupations
needed
Wrong verb form
need
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 a variety
kinds
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apply
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of abilities,
such
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 as mental concentration, financial literacy, strong memory and
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 to be well-trained
on
Change preposition
in
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 the courses.
Moreover
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, working on high-paid
jobs
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require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
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 some certifications, qualifications and
diploma
Correct article usage
a diploma
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 from
university
Correct article usage
a university
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 or training courses.To
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 these
requirements
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requirements,
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 individuals spend at least three ot four years, apart from
that
Punctuation problem
that,
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 they have to pass exams.
However
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,they spend
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 amount of money and time to learn these skills.
Hence
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, studying and passing these exams would cause mental and physical diseases in the long-term.
Secondly
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, white-collar and office
jobs
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 should pay higher wages owing to the fact that
,
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apply
show examples
 it requires mental
work
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unlike
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, unlike
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blue-collor
Correct your spelling
blue-collar
jobs
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,
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.
show examples
For example
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, being
receptionist
Correct article usage
a receptionist
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 seems straightforward for people since most folks prefer to
work
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 in these branches
Punctuation problem
,
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that's
Correct pronoun usage
which is
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 why
,
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apply
show examples
 it never
be
Correct determiner usage
a
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 well-paid job. In conclusion,it is
been
Correct determiner usage
a
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 recent predicament that office
jobs
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 and manual
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 should be paid the same monthly payment.
However
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, other folks assume it needs to depend on their job
resposibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
.From my point of view,
campanies
Correct your spelling
companies
 must pay wages
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
for various
show examples
 kinds of
jobs
Use synonyms
.

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task response
For task response, answer the question more directly. You say you disagree, but your main idea should be clearer in each body part.
task response
For task response, explain why equal pay would not bring more harmony. This part is missing, so the answer is not fully complete.
task response
For task response, use more clear and real examples. Some examples are too general and do not fully support your view.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make your ideas follow one clear line. Some sentences jump from one point to another too fast.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use simple linking words well, like first, also, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, check paragraph focus. The second body paragraph is not fully clear and does not strongly support the main point.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You try to support your ideas with reasons about skill, study, and training.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • harmony
  • cohesion
  • financial incentive
  • productivity
  • equity
  • organizational culture
  • highly skilled professionals
  • innovation and competitiveness
  • redistribution of tasks
  • job satisfaction
  • meritocracy
  • contributions and achievements
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