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Band 7

The table below shows the proportion of the workforce who are women and the percentage of managers who are women in five different countries.

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The table below shows the proportion of the workforce who are women and the percentage of managers who are women in five different countries.
The table compares how many
women
Use synonyms
work
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 as
workforce
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 and as
managers
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 in five countries, namely Australia, Egypt, Sri Lanka, Japan and the United States.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the highest proportion of
women
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 who
work
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as
Change preposition
in the
show examples
workforce
Use synonyms
 in Japan,
women
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 who
work
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 as
managers
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 are more in Australia and the United States. As the table reveals, in Australia, the difference between
women
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 as labour and
managers
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 is not big at 42% and 43%, respectively. Regarding Egypt's figures,
women
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 who
work
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 in the
workforce
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 are at 20%
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
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,
women
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managers
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 are at 12%. As for Sri Lanka, the highest proportion of
women
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 worked in the
workforce
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 at 41%,
in contrast
Linking Words
, the lowest proportion of
women
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 worked as
managers
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 at 9%. Coming to Japan, among all countries
women
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's
workforce
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 shows the biggest index at 48%, but
women
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managers
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 are at 17%.
Lastly
Linking Words
 United States, the difference between
women
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 who
work
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 in the
workforce
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 and
managers
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 is not that large at 46% and 43%, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, work, workforce, managers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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