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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows causes of injuries in Australia for teenagers and the general population. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, making comparisons where relevant. Teenagers and the total population: rates of certain injuries Males aged Females Total Total 1 3-19 aged 1 3-19 aged 1 3-19 population Cause rate(a) rate(a) rate(a) rate(a) Total transport accidents 779 323 557 305 Car occupant 232 186 210 124 Motorcyclist 230 20 127 59 Pedal cyclist 210 24 1 20 45 Pedestrian 46 26 36 30 Falls 720 193 463 843 Complications of medical care 340 349 344 1431 Assault 281 80 183 1 19 Accidental poisoning 68 95 82 85 Exposure to heat, smoke, fire 54 17 36 42 All cases (b) 3688 1 765 2750 3712 (a) Cases per 1 00,000 of this group. (b) All cases, includes causes not listed. Some cases can involve more than one caus

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This
Linking Words
 table illustrates the rate of certain
injuries
Use synonyms
 depending on age and gender. The first row
portraits
Verb problem
portrays
show examples
 the age gap and gender. They are divided into males
from
Correct word choice
aged
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 13 to 19, females aged 13 to 19,
total
Correct article usage
the total
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population
Use synonyms
 of teenagers and
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all ages. The first column covers the different types of
injuries
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 from transport accidents to complications of medical care. One of the main features is that, in most cases,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
around
Change preposition
between
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 13 and 19 are more likely to suffer
injuries
Use synonyms
 than the total
of the
Change preposition
apply
show examples
population
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 there are some exceptions
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
Use synonyms
injuries
Change preposition
as injuries
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 caused by falls and complications of health care, accidental poisoning and exposure to heat
smoke
Punctuation problem
, smoke
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 and fire.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the rate of
injuries
Use synonyms
 between male
teen agers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 and female ones is higher in almost every case. The only exceptions are complications of medical care and accidental poisoning. In conclusion, teenagers, especially males, are more likely to get injured than the rest of the
population
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words injuries, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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