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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagrams below show the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth.

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The schemes illustrate the process of manufacturing silk cloth, from the development of
silkworm creatures
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silkworms
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 to the factory technology.
Overall
Linking Words
, the whole process can be divided
in
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into
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 three stages
:
Punctuation problem
:
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 the nature-driven cycle of the silkworm,
then
Linking Words
 the human harvesting the raw material directly from the worms, and the industrial
making
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process making
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 the final product. The first stage is taking place inside the creature. Once the worm is born, it consistently consumes green food, producing a kind of a protective layer, which is used by humans for textile material. The people need only to put together the cocoons made of silk threads in order to proceed to the next step of the cloth-making preparation. The next actions are fully man-made. During the preparatory phase, the cocoons with the precious substance are gathered and cleaned with the use of boiling water,
then
Linking Words
 expanded
to the form of
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into
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 a long stripe.
Subsequently
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, the generated threads are rotated and painted. The final
challegenge
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challenge
 is forming a nice piece of
a
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apply
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cloth by weaving the
yield
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yarn
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 samples, completing the journey of a textile piece from the worm's cocoon to the silk dress.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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