IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Five months ago, you started renting an apartment on a six-month agreement. You now wish to stay in the apartment for longer than the six months you originally agreed with the owner. Write a letter to the owner of your apartment. In your letter say how long you now want to rent the apartment for explain why your plans have changed tell the owner about a problem in the apartment You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear ....................................,

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Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 to request that you extend my six- month agreement. Currently, my originally signed six-month contract for renting
this
Linking Words
apartment
Use synonyms
 is about to expire. So, I would like to stay more in your
apartment
Use synonyms
 for 6 months. My plans have
been
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
changed because I have not received any offer from a reputed school for my kids , which is near the residential area in the city where I would like to stay with my family. All schools were at countryside
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
 it's in a busy downtown , which I would not prefer to enrol my children in these areas. As per the originally signed agreement,
this
Linking Words
apartment
Use synonyms
 comes with all facilities and amenities
such
Linking Words
 as a refrigerator, Microwave and Air conditioner.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is an issue that I am facing in
this
Linking Words
apartment
Use synonyms
is
Correct pronoun usage
, which is
show examples
 that the air conditioner is not working properly.
In other words
Linking Words
, Every Night my family faced a problem in sleeping because the air condition is not cooling the room.
Hence
Linking Words
, next all day we feel tired. I would like to request
you
Correct word choice
that you
show examples
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
fix the problem that we are facing and extend the agreement. Yours faithfully, Manpreet Singh

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task response
Say your main point in a more clear way at the start.
task response
Give one clear reason for your change of plan. Keep it short and direct.
task response
Describe the apartment problem in a simple and exact way.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like also, because, and so to join ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence follows the one before in a smooth way.
task response
You answered all three parts of the task.
task response
Your tone is polite and right for a formal letter.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear opening and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a good order overall.
The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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