IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. Write a letter to the parents. in your letter explain why you would like the job give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia

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Dear Sir, I hope
this
Linking Words
 letter finds you in good health. I came across an advertisement that you posted regarding the job to look after a six-year-old child. I would like to inform you that I am interested
to apply
Change preposition
in applying
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 for
this
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 position as I am coming to Australia next month.
This
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postion
Correct your spelling
position
 would help me
utilize
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utilise
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 my time in a productive way and earn some money to cover my tavelling expense.
Moreover
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, I would
also
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 have a place to stay during my visit. I am a primary school teacher by profession. I have
an
Correct article usage
apply
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experience of over 5 years
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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therefore
Linking Words
 I can deal with young children. I am certain that I am a suitable person to do
this
Linking Words
 job. I will make sure that I perform my work with full dedication. I am coming to Australia to attend some workshops regarding my teaching subject. These workshops would take place on weekends. As you mentioned in your advertisement that I will have weekends off, I would attend those workshops easily and can
utilize
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utilise
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 my free time in a good way. Feel free to schedule an interview to discuss
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further about
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apply
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my qualifications. Sincerely, Asma

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task response
Answer all parts more fully. Say more about why you want the job and what you can do for the child each day.
task response
Use a more warm and natural letter style. Write to the parents, not only like a job form.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words like also, because, so, and however.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each paragraph and add one or two more details to support it.
task response
You answered all three parts of the task.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear opening, body, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are easy to follow most of the time.
task response
The closing is polite and suitable.
The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Childcare, Nurturing, Patience, Creativity, Early childhood development
  • Babysitting, Au pair, Engaging, Responsible, Enthusiastic
  • Safety, Trustworthy, Adaptability, Proactive, Cultural exchange
  • Activities, Educational games, Language skills, Exploring
  • Volunteering, Community involvement, Australian culture
  • Flexibility, Personal traits, Schedule, Enrichment
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