IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The table below shows the percentage of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011

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The table illustrates the percentage of the population by
age
Use synonyms
 groups in one city
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 when they ride bicycles in 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, children until nine were the highest in both genders,
while
Linking Words
 men from 40 to 59 were the lowest.
Female
Fix the agreement mistake
Females
show examples
 from ten to nineteen were higher than the male from the same
age
Use synonyms
. First of all,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 from 0 to 9 stood for 51.2%,
while
Linking Words
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 from the same
age
Use synonyms
 were higher by 1.3%. Women from 10 to 19 accounted for 43.6%,
whereas
Linking Words
 men from the same
age
Use synonyms
 were lower with 25.1%. Women from 20 to 39 scored for 18.2%, compared to
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 from the same
age
Use synonyms
 were lower with 10.8%. Women from 40 - 59 were
the
Correct article usage
apply
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lower than younger ages with 13.7%,
while
Linking Words
 the
slightest in
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 in all time. were
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 from 40 to 59.
female
Fix the agreement mistake
Females
show examples
 above sixty accounted for 19.8%,
in compare
Replace the word
compared
 with
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 men from the same
age
Use synonyms
were
Correct pronoun usage
, who were
show examples
 lower with 14.6%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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