IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You recently bought an item online. When it was delivered you found that the item did not work correctly. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter, • Describe the item and the problem with it • Explain why the item is important for you • Say what you want the manager to do You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

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Dear Sir or Madam, My name is Steev.I am currently residing in Tambaram,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is located on the outskirts of Chennai.Recently,I purchased a mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 from your website.I received the parcel within the stipulated period of time.
However
Linking Words
 ,
When
Fix capitalization
when
show examples
 I checked the functionality of the gadget,I
am
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 utterly disappointed with the RAM capacity.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 ,some of the gaming applications are very slow in processing. First of all,
this
Linking Words
 electronic device is very important to me since I am a
vivid
Use the right word
avid
show examples
 gamer.
Moreover
Linking Words
 ,I spend my leisure time playing games and watching videos.
Also
Linking Words
 ,I use a mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 to get in touch with my brother
who
Punctuation problem
, who
show examples
 is residing in Canada. Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the
phone
Use synonyms
 is pretty good for basic
functions
Punctuation problem
functions,
show examples
 I expect it to perform well
while
Linking Words
 video calling. I humbly request
you
Correct word choice
that you
show examples
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
replace my mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 with a
little
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
sense of urgency, since without it
I
Punctuation problem
, I
show examples
cannot spend my leisure time on entertainment. I believe you will look into
this
Linking Words
 matter on a priority basis. I expect a quick response on
this
Linking Words
. Yours faithfully, Steev

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task response
Task response: Say the problem more clearly. For example, write the phone has less RAM than the ad said, or it stops when you open games.
task response
Task response: Explain why the phone is important in a more strong way. Leisure is fine, but work, study, or family calls would make your reason better.
task response
Task response: Ask for one clear action. You can ask for a full replacement, repair, or refund.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use spaces after commas and full stops. This will make your letter easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some link words are not used well. For example, use However, First of all, Moreover, and Also in a simple way.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Keep one main idea in each paragraph: problem, importance, and request.
task response
Task response: You answered all three bullet points.
task response
Task response: Your request to replace the phone is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The letter has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your greeting and closing are correct for a formal letter.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • purchase
  • non-functional
  • malfunctioning
  • refund
  • replacement
  • repair services
  • model
  • affecting
  • intended use
  • describe
  • delivered
  • online order
  • customer satisfaction
  • inconvenience
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