IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, managers and team leaders in different organizations are much younger compared to the past. What are the reasons for it? Is it a positive or negative development?

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It is an indisputable truth that DURING the
last
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 several
decades
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decades,
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 more young
people
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 have taken leadership
positions
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.
This
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trend
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 is especially pronounced among/IN developed countries. The following essay explores the causes
(of)
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apply
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and the consequences of
this
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trend
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. The most powerful driver that accounts for
this
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 situation is THE high level of IT
skills
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 between/OF young
people
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. Technical companies prefer young leaders who understand new technology.
For instance
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,
according to
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 recent studies, nearly 80% of the young generation prefer getting/PURSUING computer
skills
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 rather than relying (on) only ON writing
skills
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.
Therefore
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, it is
a
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apply
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logical to draw a line between young leaders and a high level of IT
skills
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. Another factor responsible for
this
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 situation is a shift in values. For many
people
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, especially the
young
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young,
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 it has become the norm to want to be a leader. Driven by a new social paradigm,
people
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 tend not only to want a big salary
(
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apply
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,
)
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 but
also
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 to compete with colleagues. Latest research into human resources has shown that young
people
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 in France not only have 30% more earnINGS, but
also
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 occupy management
positions
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 more often than the old generation. The aftermath is deplorable; the old generation loses leadership
positions
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. As far as AN assessment of
this
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trend
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 is concerned, there are several healthy implications of
this
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trend
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. The major positive ramification is that young
people
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 bring fresh ideas and innovations.
According to
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(
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apply
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the
)
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apply
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 statistics, 90% CEO of start-ups are
people
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 who are under 35 years old.
Therefore
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, young
play
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people play
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 a key role in driving innovation. To reiterate, as evidenced above, explained by having high IT-
skills
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 and a shift in values, the fact that nowadays more young
people
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 have taken leadership
positions
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 is a mostly positive phenomenon. If managed well,
this
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trend
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 will improve THE economY of countries.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly why young leaders are more common, and why this is mostly good or bad.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear. Some points are too general, so the reader is not always sure what you mean.
task response
Use examples that fit the point better. Some numbers seem unclear or not fully connected to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Build each body paragraph around one clear main idea. Then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some lines feel sudden, especially when you move to France and then to the old generation.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow. A few sentences are hard to follow because the grammar breaks the meaning.
task response
You answer the question and give reasons and an opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples and try to support your ideas with facts and numbers.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advanced education
  • Early career development
  • Technological advancements
  • Digital revolution
  • Organizational structures
  • Innovation
  • Creativity
  • Adaptability
  • Productivity
  • Competitive
  • Global markets
  • Multicultural team dynamics
  • Generational differences
  • Suboptimal decision-making
  • Rapid promotion
  • Traditional managerial skills
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