IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is
contravisory
Correct your spelling
controversy
 about the
women
Use synonyms
 involvment in military forces.
Number
Correct article usage
A number
show examples
 of people believe
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the equality between
women
Use synonyms
 and men,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 see it
is
Change preposition
as
show examples
 unsuitable for
women
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, the
involvment
Correct your spelling
involvement
 of
women
Use synonyms
 is important
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can play
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
 role in
such
Linking Words
cases
Use synonyms
, and the
old-islamic
Correct your spelling
old Islamic
 history
stand
Correct subject-verb agreement
stands
show examples
 by
this
Linking Words
 opinion. The intake of the equality of both genders in
military
Correct article usage
the military
show examples
 field is not conversable.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 had
such
Linking Words
 abilities that overcom the men.
As
Change preposition
For
show examples
 example, their abilities
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 see the
unordinary
Correct word choice
unusual
show examples
 point of view in
such
Linking Words
cases
Use synonyms
. Worthing to add, having both genders in
such
Linking Words
 crucial areas
maximize
Change the verb form
maximises
show examples
 the advantage of keeping the community safe. One of
strongest
Correct article usage
the strongest
show examples
 example about the
involvment
Correct your spelling
involvement
 of
women
Use synonyms
 in wars is
on the
Change preposition
in
show examples
 early
islamic
Fix capitalization
Islamic
show examples
 history,
the
Correct word choice
where
show examples
women
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
played an important role
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 healing the injuries of forces during wars.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 some people
treat
Correct pronoun usage
who treat
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 as human that unable to be in
dangreous
Correct your spelling
dangerous
areas
Punctuation problem
areas,
show examples
 especially
the military associated one
Correct word order
those associated with the military
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 kind of
ignorence
Correct your spelling
ignorance
 toward
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 could be driven by the
storytype
Correct your spelling
stereotype
 that
inhereted
Wrong verb form
was inherited
show examples
 from the past; the idea that
believe that the
Correct word order
women are powerless and their actions are driven
show examples
women
Use synonyms
's act playable by their emotions, or the
overstate some
Replace the word
overstatement of a
 minority of
cases
Use synonyms
. But in my opinion,
women
Use synonyms
 is mysterios creation that cabable on being valuable
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
cases
Use synonyms
 that
need
Verb problem
require
show examples
 their emotions,
while
Linking Words
 their abilities on playing their distinct role in
military related
Correct your spelling
military-related
cases
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about both views, but the side against women in the army needs more detail.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from start to end. You say women are important, but some lines are hard to follow.
task response
Use clearer main ideas in each body part. Start each part with one simple point, then explain it.
task response
Give more direct and specific examples. Your history example is useful, but it needs clearer detail.
coherence and cohesion
Organize ideas in a simpler order. Some sentences jump from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words well, but do not overuse them. Try simple links like first, also, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Write shorter sentences. This will help your meaning stay clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence connects clearly to the one before it.
task response
You answer the question and give your opinion.
task response
You include both views, not only one side.
task response
You use an example from history to support your idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body, and ending idea.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words to connect ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your main topic stays the same through the essay.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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