IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people regard work as the most important thing in life and have little interest in anything else. Other people are more enthusiastic about their hobbies and leisure interests than their jobs. Discuss both these attitudes and give your opinion

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Some members of the society consider
work
Use synonyms
 as the most important thing in
life
Use synonyms
 and
bearly
Use the right word
barely
show examples
 have any interest in anything else.
While
Linking Words
 others are more enthusiastic about what they love and put their
hobbies
Use synonyms
 above
thier
Correct your spelling
their
jobs
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think that
work
Use synonyms
 does not have to be the most important thing in your
life
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both views. Many citizens have claimed that their
jobs
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the most consequential thing in
life
Use synonyms
 for them. They have no
hobbies
Use synonyms
 nor interest in anything that's not
Use synonyms
work related
Correct your spelling
work-related
. These individuals are considered
work
Use synonyms
 addiects they might not have any connections or friends outside their industry field. These individuals may
also
Linking Words
 have high cholesterol and
stress
Use synonyms
 levels, because
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
of
the
Correct determiner usage
all the
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 they
drain
Verb problem
put
show examples
 themselves
in
Change preposition
through
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others value their
hobbies
Use synonyms
 and interests more than their career. They claim that
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 their
hobbies
Use synonyms
 is different
than
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their
jobs
Use synonyms
, because they are forced to do their
work
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
hobbies
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 what they choose to practice during
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 free time. Their leisure activities help them relieve the
stress
Use synonyms
 of the week caused by their working environment. These
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of people tend to have many friends and connections outside their
work
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 very essential to practice some leisure activities more often. Working environments might
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 a lot of
stress
Use synonyms
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 important that you have
and
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 hobby that would relieve the
stress
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
 should not be the most important thing in your
life
Use synonyms
you
Punctuation problem
; you
show examples
 should be free and open to changing your job if needed
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
 too attached. In conclusion, my opinion is to spend more time on activities outside your industry field to connect with others you don't know.

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task response
For task response: discuss both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but the first side needs more full ideas.
task response
For task response: add one or two clear examples. This will make your ideas stronger and more real.
task response
For task response: explain your opinion more fully. Say why free time is more important, and how people can balance work and life.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your essay has a clear paragraph plan, but some ideas stop too fast. Develop each main point more.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: use linking words with care. Words like 'on the other hand', 'in contrast', and 'also' are good, but some places need smoother links.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: check sentence flow. A few sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word form mistakes.
task response
For task response: you answered both parts of the question and gave your own opinion.
task response
For task response: your main idea is easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: the essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: paragraphing is clear and helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work
  • job
  • life
  • time
  • money
  • family
  • health
  • hobby
  • leisure
  • balance
  • reason
  • idea
  • view
  • think
  • feel
  • people
  • other
  • choice
  • problem
  • solution
  • career
  • rest
  • joy
  • stress
  • happy
  • sad
  • goal
  • skill
  • learn
  • workplace
  • hour
  • days
  • care
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