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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of international graduates from UK universities in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. ZHa

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The bar chart gives information about the percentages of global
students
Use synonyms
 who finished their
higer
Correct your spelling
higher
 education in different universities in the UK in 2000 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that there is an upward trend in the proportion of
interantional
Correct your spelling
international
students
Use synonyms
 in 2015 compared to that in 2000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
university
Fix capitalization
University
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 of Oxford is the highest
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in the number of global graduates in
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
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while
Linking Words
 in 2000
ranked
Correct pronoun usage
it ranked
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at
Change preposition
apply
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second after Cambridge
Use synonyms
university
Fix capitalization
University
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.
looking
Fix capitalization
Looking
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 closely at the details reveals that the most significant difference in the proportion during the period given was for London
university
Use synonyms
 which
jumbed
Use the right word
jumped
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 from 5% to 20.
Similarly
Linking Words
, both Oxford and Cambridge graduated more
forieng
Correct your spelling
foreign
students
Use synonyms
 in 2015 at 25% and just under the same percentage respectively
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
 that in 2000 was nearly at 15% for the two universities.
However
Linking Words
, the remaining universities witnessed a slight change in
theri
Correct your spelling
their
 overseas learners,
for example
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
university
Fix capitalization
University
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 of Cardiff rose just 5% between the two years.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, both Bath and Bristol had a similar number of
students
Use synonyms
 in 2000, accounting for 5%, but after that the former incerased reaching over 10%,
while
Linking Words
 the
latest
Use the right word
latter
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 remained almost the same.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, university with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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